I finished Naomi Wolf’s landmark book The Beauty Myth several days ago and have been thinking about what to write ever since. I’ve decided to do a personal reflection about what I’ve learned instead of an official review.
It’s a great book. — A dense book, but a great book. There is a lot of theory here, and at times it can be difficult to wade through. I recommend putting in the effort though, because it’s rewarding. Some of the specifics are now outdated, but most of the basic ideas still ring true.
As I was reading it, I felt as if I was learning things that I always new but never consciously realized. It just made so much sense. Of course, I’ve long known that femininity is a cultural construction– that high heels, makeup and removing body hair are arbitrary. Somehow, though, as silly as it seems, I never consciously applied that same concept to beauty itself, to weight, or to the aging process.
I realized a long time ago that I would never have the body of a model. But I still wanted to be “thin.” What “thin” was, I’ve never clearly defined. Below a size 8. Lacking soft flab. Looking “good enough” to wear a bikini. My thighs are the largest part of my body, and I’ve always wanted to somehow rectify that. I’ve dieted. Lately, I’ve been trying to come to terms with my body but not doing the best job. Until I read this book.
Until I read Wolf’s words, I had never thought about how arbitrary it is to hate your cellulite. Who decided that it’s ugly? I had never considered that my fat is a sign of fertility and sexuality. I didn’t think about why it is that I worry about my breasts starting to sag or about my hair turning grey someday or developing lines in my face. Who said that skin should be line free? Or that breasts are meant to be firm? I’d never considered that these things don’t make sense.
It all seems so obvious now. I feel silly for not realizing it before. At first, I recognized myself in the pages and felt guilty. Then, I recognized myself in the pages and felt liberated. This is the weight I am. This is what my body looks like. I’m a size 12. I have been for most of my life, except when I was keeping myself hungry or eating too much because I was depressed. According to the BMI charts, I am overweight. But I’m eating the healthiest I ever have in my entire life, and this is still my size. I’ve blame that partially on one of my prescriptions, and I think that may still be true, but now I realize that it doesn’t matter. This fat is me. Wolf talks about women basing their sexuality around how they appear physically. I have been guilty of this. But since I started reading this book, I’ve stopped willing my body to be “thin” and started looking at my curves as sensual, at my soft stomach as sexy, at my large thighs as inviting. I can’t say that I’m “cured” by any means, but I feel more free in my body than I ever have.
I can’t help but think what would happen if every woman were to read this book.
And at one point, Wolf seems to ask the question herself: what would happen to adolescent girls if they never got caught up in the beauty myth?
What if she doesn’t worry about her body and eats enough for all the growing she has to do? She might rip her stockings and slam-dance on a forged ID to the Pogues, and walk home bare-foot, holding her shoes, alone at dawn; she might baby-sit in a battered-women’s shelter one night a month; she might skateboard down Lombard Street with its seven hairpin turns, or fall in love with her best friend and do something about it, or lose herself for hours gazing into test tubes with her hair a mess, or climb a promontory with the girls and get drunk at the top, or sit down when the Pledge of Allegiance says stand, or hop a freight train, or take lovers without telling her last name, or run away to sea. She might revel in all the freedoms that seem so trivial to those who take them for granted; she may dream seriously the dreams that seem so obvious to those who grew up with them really available. Who knows what she would do?
Also, check out my interview on this book at the book blog The Hidden Side of a Leaf.
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wow, i love that little segment from the book. this is one i’ve intended to read for some time but never gotten around to, partially because, i admit, i wasn’t sure it would contain any information or ideas that i hadn’t heard before since i minored in women’s studies and have been scrutinizing society’s conception of “beauty” for some time. but i realize that’s a very presumptuous and ignorant approach. obviously i stil have hang-ups about all these things. i practically broke down in tears when i put on a swim suit for the first time this year last weekend. and i’m a size 0. but i still have cellulite and other normal features of a female body that i’ve been conditioned to feel ashamed of and even terrified by. i was proud of myself that i finally got over my fears and disgust with myself and just went to the pool anyway and had a good time, but part of what comforted me was knowning that most of the women there would be too hung up on their own body issues to even notice my “flaws.”
i also remember once right after i graduated high school, i decided to get my long hair cut short. i ended up with a terrible haircut, and walked out in tears. a few days later, i came to terms with my new, short, not particularly attractive hair, and i remember thinking, explicitly, “now i can be whoever i want. i can focus on my personality because i don’t have to worry about being attractive or sexy or appealing.” it was extremely liberating.
it’s really sad and shocking when i realize just how much these beauty myths hold us all back, which is why the quip you provided from the book really struck a chord with me. sorry for writing a novel in your notes.:)
That’s okay . . . this is great stuff :) You should definitely read the book. I had heard a lot of the ideas as well, but certainly not all of them and it’s all presented very well (if, as I said, densely).
I haven’t read The Beauty Myth, but I recently accepted my body as it, too. I came to this acceptance by the same thought process you had: why is cellulite considered ugly? why are perky breasts better than those that sag? why are long legs best? who made these rules and why am I buying into them?
I had never found huge muscled, bare-chested men desirable, even though that’s what society says is sexy. Why did I hold myself up to such “high” standards?
I think my perceptions started changing when I saw the before and after of touched-up glamour photos of regular people and celebrities. Most of them look totally fine without the makeup, styling, and digital rework; if I saw them on the street, I’d not give them a second glance.
Then I saw a segment on a morning news show about how clothing sizes have changed in the past decade. A size 10 pant from 10 years ago is now labeled as size 8. I checked this in my own closet. I actually still had a pair of size 10 pants from 8 years ago (I saved them for a sewing project that I never started). I put them up against my current size 8 pants. The result – exactly the same size in actual inches.
So I thought, What freakin’ size am I? And then I realized, What does it matter? The clothing designers arbitrarily decide the size from piece to piece and year to year. I wear pants that are size 4, 6, 8, and 10.
The weird thing is I was able to let go of wearing makeup at age 16. I haven’t worn any in 8 years. And I have been perfectly happy with my face since then, even though I have plenty of blemishes and large pores! I had long accepted my pale skin, big nose, and several “disfiguring” scars on my body (from an accident at age 6). I never thought less of other women who don’t have tight, thin bodies. In fact, I think most women are beautiful. So why couldn’t I accept my soft stomach, cellulite, and stretch marks?
I felt like such a slave to those beauty myths. And now I am free.
Thanks for sharing, Stupendousness. That’s a great story :)
I really do think that this is a process. I’m not going to suggest that I read this book and how I love my body, problem solved! But it was a great launching off point for something that I was already trying to do. I think that it has changed me and it the start to the larger change I want to eventually end up making.
hi cara! im leaving you a comment since comments make you happy, and becos the beauty myth had the exact same effect on me when i read it a few months ago. and the thing is, i was the girl in that passage, shaved head torn fishnets staying out all night taking lovers skateboarding around town at 3 am with my best girlfriend falling in love with my friends and yet i STILL hated my body, thought i was fat (even tho in my skateboarding days i was all muscle and toned flesh and oh 40 LBS lighter than i am now)and thought i was ugly and weird.
i dont kno how we make girls stop hating themselves, except to teach them from birth about their strength and power, show them all the amazing things their bodies can do, martial arts and athletics and dance and theater, buy them musical instruments and art supplies, encourage their bonding with other girls. try to build a society where girls friendships are treated as more valuable than gaining male favor, creating a society where women dont feel like theyre in a constant beauty pageant competing with eachother.
and yeah, reading the beauty myth is almost transcendent in the way it makes you question all your self percieved inadequacies, yet there are still things i dont give up, like plucking the little black hairs that grow on my chin, or fretting about my faint peachfuzz mustache.
my bff (best friend forever) and i are talking about getting bikinis this summer even tho were “fat” becos why should we have to wear extra fabric to swim just becos our bodies might make other people uncomfortable. i dont kno if we will tho, i dont kno if im that strong to face down the looks id get.
Hey Jessi, thanks for the note!
I don’t think that Wolf is arguing (and I wouldn’t argue either) that women should give up all of their beauty rituals on principle. I think that she’s arguing that any of those little things we do are because they make us feel GOOD and not because NOT doing them would make us feel bad.
I’m still not there yet, either. I shave (something I don’t think will ever change) and wear a light foundation (something I hope will). But I do things like use moisturizer because my skin feels better that way . . . but on days where I forget, I don’t feel bad about myself. Does that make any sense?
I think that the bikini thing is a great idea . . . IF you feel comfortable doing it, of course.
Here from the CoF, and I’m glad you liked The Beauty Myth. It is the only book I’ve ever read that actually literally changed my life. I wish everyone would read it (not just women–every man I’ve ever heard say “I’m sorry, [insert attribute here] is just NOT attractive.” Really? It’s inherently unattractive? That woman’s boyfriend/girlfriend begs to differ). You really said it all, and I haven’t read it in a while (lent it to a friend who was going through some body issues, then she stabbed me in the back and we stopped speaking. damn that was a bad call) so thank you for reminding me of how much I loved it.
Hello,
I just finished reading the beauty myth for my women’s studies class and I have the same reaction to it. I think that book should be required reading for all womens studies programs. It changed my life.
What I found most interesting was when she talks about how pornography effects male and female relationships. I could never understand all of the layers of my feelings toward porn, until I read that chapter.
I don’t have a blog or anything, but I found your site one night and I think it’s great! I’ve only recently begun studying feminism and putting it into practice, and I hope to make a feminist zine with my friend. Well, thanks a lot for writing on it and I’ll keep checking out your blog updates!
-Taylor
Pittsburgh, PA
Hi,
I just wanted to say how glad I am that I happened upon this post in the archives. I’m about to start two intensive senior thesis/projects, and one of them is “the ideal female form through time and the effect of media on the modern woman”. With a large emphasis on what clothing (I’m a costuming major) says about people, and women in particular. I go to an all women’s college and while I’m only through the first chapter of this book, I can already start to relate it to what I see everyday on campus with the different groups of girls.
I cannot believe that anyone ever paid scant attention to Naomi Wolf. She had the most glorious long hair when that book hit the scene, and always groomed herself immaculately. (I’m glad she did. Short haircuts on women usually suck.) But, you’d think this charlatan would have at least played the man-hating part herself by butching her hair and dressing like a guy.
Grow up women! Stop being ashamed of being women. Real men love and respect you. Those who don’t aren’t worth your time.
Wow ladies, don’t you wish you had Bob’s number? What woman doesn’t want a man who loves them just how they are so long as they’re exactly how the man wants them to be? Lord knows those kinds of guys are hard to find . . .
Stop being ashamed of your womanhood! Show how proud you are by baking Bob a pie!
I’ve only been reading the blog three months, so I missed this one before now. Sometimes trolls aren’t useless, I’m definitely going to pick up that book.
My phone number is unlisted. Sorry Gals! My point is that Naomi’s appearance belied her message. Men respect women who enjoy the fact that they were born female, and exude class, period. For you gals who are into other women, disregard my comment. I won’t deal with THOSE issues.
“Men respect women who enjoy the fact that they were born female, and exude class, period.”
RESPECT? You call trying to fit a person into the tiny box of your expectations respect? To quote a great work of art “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
I adore being born female. Even taking into account sexism and gendered norms I like my parts as they are…that makes me cisgendered not feminine.
I also like walk around in jeans and a t-shirt, skipping the make-up, making pots of money, never cleaning a toilet, and baking only when it makes me smile.
Respect is what my husband does. He values me for the person I am rather than being the person he thinks I should be.
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