Comments on: On Neonaticide

By: Cara

Cara — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:43:03 +0000

Women have certainly claimed that it happened to them. As I argue in the post, I think that this is probably much more extreme mental denial than a lack of physical symptoms.

By: Jane

Jane — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 00:26:07 +0000

Has there ever been any solid research conducted into whether a woman can carry a baby to term and literally not realize that she’s pregnant? Is this physically possible in any circumstances? I’ve heard this claimed as reasons why labor and birth have come as a surprise to some women, and while I find it incredibly hard to believe (read: 99% impossible to believe), I wonder if this is something that COULD happen?

By: DaisyDeadhead

DaisyDeadhead — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 20:05:12 +0000

I knew someone in this kind of denial; she was very young. One of her siblings took charge and got her an abortion, and it was like taking a kid to the doctor for an ear infection, or something. I mean, she just acted totally helpless, like a child, through the whole thing.

I don’t know WHAT she would have done if her sister had not intervened.

Fascinating post!

By: Lancastrian

Lancastrian — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 13:09:58 +0000

I think you’re underestimating the power of shame on the human psyche, dew. Kids, for the most part, really care about what their parent’s think of them, beatings or no. I have trouble letting my parents know if I’m having financial trouble, because I don’t want to dissapoint them by not being able to take care of myself: and I have wonderful, understanding, loving parents. I’ve seen friends with distant or demanding parents tie themselves into knots trying to get approval; intelligent women willing to major in a subject they hated and go on to do a career they felt trapped in because they were convince that doing otherwise meant their parents would be unhappy, even if their parents had never actually said this outright.

Cut to kids with parents who have explained to them over the years that only Good Girls are loved. These women will most likely strive to be said Good Girls, despite having normal wants as well. If they’re lucky, they’ll figure out that the GG meme is a crock and manage to throw of the need for parental approval, which something most people find VERY difficult. If they aren’t, they’ll survive as best they can. Extreme denial is a symptom of that survival: mommy and daddy still love me, so I must be a Good Girl! GGs don’t have sex! I can’t be pregnant!

By: dew

dew — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 22:48:02 +0000

I can understand that deep level of denial after incest and rape, but in other cases I assume the woman was not in very stable mental health to begin with, or that the denial has to do with something else. For example, would “anxiety about enraged parents” cause such denial in a healthy girl or woman if she didn’t expect the parents to beat the shit out of her?

And aside from the neonaticide, you also hear about women who say things like, “Oh I didn’t know I was pregnant til the baby slid down my leg.” Now, I’ve been pregnant and there’s no way that anyone in any kind of healthy frame of mind could fail to notice, particularly once labor starts. So this denial might explain those situations, too.

By: Roy

Roy — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 15:20:51 +0000

I think that one of the reasons why we don’t know more about these sorts of things is because the medical community hasn’t cared to find out. Consider how long it took the medical community to show the slightest interest in actually dealing with and researching postpartum disorders.

Another thing that I think makes this hard for people to deal with is that Americans tend to be reactionary, not preventative. Look at how much of our medical care goes towards treating, no preventing, illness. We don’t invest in preventative care at nearly the rate we respond to it. I think that this attitude is pervasive in our society. It shows up in the way we deal with crime, the way we educate our children, the way that we we treat health problems, etc etc. So, in a case like this. Lastly, I think that people are more comfortable treating these women like they’re monsters, which then limits the obligations we have towards helping them. If they’re monsters, then they’re not common, and we can treat them like monsters. Sick.

You’re absolutely right, though- safe surrender laws, while necessary, are nothing but a bandage on a much larger, more difficult problem.