Ann at Feministing brought my attention to an ABC News article about the experiences of bisexual women, including the prejudice they face from both heterosexuals and those in the LGBTQ community, and the subsequent desire to defy labels. Of course, this won’t be news to anyone out there in the feminist community who has been paying attention. But I still think that it warrants discussion, and that ABC deserves some credit for actually writing a non-offensive article on the subject.
Young bisexual women face urban labels like “hasbien” and “Bug” (bisexual until graduation), not to mention the giddy voyeurism of male fantasies and the ridicule of their lesbian sisters.
For many of today’s women in their late teens and 20s, openness to intimate physical relationships with either gender has become a way of life, rather than an “experiment.” This relatively new phenomenon is likely a product of a generation unconcerned with labels.
“These young women see sexuality as a fluid thing,” said National Gay and Lesbian Task Force spokeswoman Roberta Sklar. “It’s not just between your legs.”
“These relationships are physical, emotional and intellectual, and the boundaries are not hard set,” she said.
Although there are no hard data on the numbers, Sklar said a growing number of young women have a “more flexible view” of their sexual partners, and their early choices of gender may not be a “fixed path.”
“I know a woman who had relationships of depth with members of both sexes,” said Sklar. “She didn’t put a tag on what her sexuality identity was. Recently, I saw her at her wedding to a young, lovely man. In no way does she deny her history or say she has found her true sexuality. It was all her true sexuality.”
I think that most of us have been guilty of these kinds of comments or thoughts, at some point. I will admit that I have. I think that it’s largely the product of our society that sees sexuality in a series of false binaries: male/female, virgin/whore, straight/gay. I think that when you grow up with those labels your entire life, it can be hard to shrug them off– and even when you accept that gay is just as good as straight, it can be hard to recognize that not everyone falls into either one of those categories.
The resistance from the LGBTQ community is also very understandable. Lesbians have to deal with a lot of shit. When so many people walk around with the idea that “all lesbians need is a good dick to straight them out,” I can definitely see how it would be frustrating when a woman who has had sexual relationships with other women ends up in a sexual relationship with a man. There’s also the problem of the complete objectification of their sexuality. When a falsified version of your sexuality ends up in every porn film and every seedy bar as a way to get off men, it can also be really difficult to tell sincerity from what really has to feel like mockery.
I think that the LGBTQ community is really working on these issues and being productive with them, particularly with the greater inclusion of transgender individuals and the more flexible and encompassing “queer” label. And not being an a member of that community, only an ally, I’m certainly not going to tell them how to fix the problem, though I would like to give them a thumbs up for the progress that is being made.
The thing is, the issue of bisexuality is both a gay AND a straight issue. And the issue is being dealt with in the gay community, but not among straight and heteronormative society. That’s why articles like this one are so important, even if they are several years behind. Because while everyone is talking about a fling that Britney Spears may be having with another woman, no one can get past calling the supposed relationship “gay.” Just like no one can get past calling Anne Heche a “hasbian,” and the horrid stereotype that all bisexual women are actually straight, while all bisexual men are actually gay. The fact is that straight society is still working on coming to terms with homosexuality, and doesn’t seem to have the slightest clue how to deal with bisexuality. Anytime it tries, it just turns out to be really fucking offensive.
So here’s to hoping that this is a start.
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Very interesting discussion. They certainly seemed to be pushing a number of ideological buttons.
I once spoke to a gay man about bi-sexuality he made a statement that I firmly believe is true about human nature. He said if it were not for rabid homophobia in cultures around the world most of humankind would be bi-sexual and hetero-sexuals and homo-sexuals would be the minority. he firmly believed that variety is most probably the driving force in sexuality.
As a bisexual woman who was luckily very much accepted in high school, I was very unhappy with the stigma associated with being bisexual upon reaching college. I have had members of my university’s GLBTTQQISS alliance, which I co-lead, tell me that “there’s no such thing as bisexual”, and “you’ll turn one way or the other eventually”. It is odd to me that people deny my sexuality and feelings about myself but can be so sure of their own. I hate the fact that the ignorance of many and the uber-sexualization of women has led bisexuality to be seen as a ploy and a way to turn men on. Ick.
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