I wish the men who raped me had killed me too. That would have been the kindest thing they could have done, at that point.

((hugs))

My advice concerns stranger rape, as rape by a friend or loved one has no rules or reason. How do you protect yourself from those that you should feel safe with? You can’t and this I cannot address, but, a woman CAN do things, if they choose to, in the hope that they avoid stranger rape or worse. Women should always be aware of their surroundings and avoid deserted places. According to Snopes that is about all they can do, and with this I seriously disagree.

It is a woman’s choice whether to fight back or not, but I personally will choose to fight someone I do not know. When attacked by a stranger, a victim will have no idea of their end game. NO I have not been raped, but I did spend more than a year of my life being stalked by 2 different strangers, 1 of which turned out to be a serial killer, so I know fear. I lived in terror, but I had law enforcement give me lots of advice. One piece of advice was to get self defense training. While there is a chance it might not help me, I could be overwhelmed and not be able to fight back, knowing it can increase my odds of survival. If you are not at home or in an isolated area, fighting back can indeed save your life. Yell, scream, kick, run… anything you can do, even if they point a gun at you. Their intention is to get you alone. At this point you do not know what the rest of their intentions are. Rape could be the least of your worries. If an attacker gets you alone, your chances of survival lessen. This was my main problem with the Snopes rebuttal. They just rebuffed the many ideas in the original email that could actually come in handy. Sure a lot of it was bunk, but a lot of it was taught to me by law enforcement and in self defense. So I had a huge issue with the snopes view.

You do not need to be over vigilant and live in fear, but you should keep your safety in mind. You should be aware of your surroundings when out and about. Anyone that argues against this, just ignores the world we live in. Again, doing everything “right” is still no guarantee that you will avoid attack. Nothing can do that, but precautions can increase your chances of avoidance. And if you do not do these things does not mean it is your fault! The fault will always lie with the attacker and the victim will always be 100% innocent, even if they are completely drunk, dressed in almost nothing and flirting with the attacker!

Here are some points to help increase your safety:

- Change all locks when moving to a new house or apartment. Use only dead bolt locks.
- Install chain locks on outside doors, and make sure the door is solid wood.
- Always lock the door when leaving the house, even if only for a few minutes.
- Do not leave keys outside in a hiding place.
- Don’t keep your house key on the same ring with car keys.
- Install window locks or devices to limit how far the window can be opened.
- Consider installing an electronic security system or subscribing to a neighborhood patrol.
- Use last name and initials in phone directory and on mailbox if you are female.
- Do not give your name or address to an unknown phone caller. If you receive an obscene phone call, hang up immediately.
- Never open the door to strangers. Ask service or delivery people for identification.
- Be appropriately dressed to go to the door.
- If alone when someone comes to the door, say loudly, “I’ll get it, John.” Say, “My husband is here, but he’s asleep.”
- Close curtains and shades at night.
- Turn on outside and adequate inside lights.
- If an intruder breaks in, get out–the opposite of whichever way he is coming in. If you cannot get out, try to go to a room with a phone and a lockable door. Call 911.
- When walking, stay close to curb, away from shrubbery and doorways. Do not take shortcuts through alleys, vacant lots or parks.
- If accosted from a car, run the opposite direction from where the car is headed.
- If waiting for public transportation, stand with your back against a wall.
- Walk or drive on busy, well-lighted streets.
- Know where you are going; don’t look lost.
- If you walk to your car alone at night, carry your keys in your hand; they make good weapons. Get a car alarm which automatically unlocks doors.
- Park in well-lighted areas, lock all doors, and take careful note of the location so that you can return directly to your car.
- If possible, return to the car in groups; check the back seat before getting in.
- Never hitchhike or pick up a hitchhiker.
- Keep your car in good repair. Don’t let the tank get below half-full.
- If you often come home late, vary the route.
- If you think you are being followed, drive directly to the nearest all-night store or police station. Don’t go home or get out of the car. Blow your horn and flash your car lights to attract attention.
- A favorite ploy of muggers and rapists is to rear-end a vehicle and attack the driver who gets out to assess damage. If someone tries to stop your car, keep driving if possible; try to overtake another car or go to a police or gas station.
- Don’t stop to assist strangers; drive on and call police or highway emergency help.
- Let someone know where you are going and when you’ll return.
- If your car breaks down, stay in the car with hood up, flashers on, doors and windows locked. If anyone stops to help, ask him to call for police or emergency repair.
- Do not enter an elevator with a person who makes you feel uneasy. Also check to be sure the car has not been summoned to the roof or basement. Stand near the control panel. If someone gets on who seems suspicious, get off on the next floor. If all other passengers get off except a stranger, get off with them and take another car.
_ Take an elevator before a stairwell.
- When leaving a store or mall, look about for suspicious actions, such as a car idling nearby. Try not to have arms full of packages. Walk out with others, if possible.
- Make sure a van with tinted windows is not parked right next to your vehicle when you get in it. Also look for a vehicle with a male in it sitting next to yours. Delay entering or get an attendant to walk with you.
_ Lock your car doors as soon as you get into your car.

IF you make the choice to fight back, here are some ideas:

- If he has a bat or club and you can’t run away, move into him–you cannot swing or hit with force someone who is standing close to you.

- If he has you trapped with a knife and you have no other options, grab control of the knife–try to get it by the handle–you will get cut and sliced on your hands but you’d be surprised that you can probably get the knife from him because nobody expects you to grab for it. If he has you trapped with a gun and you have no other options, grab full force for the gun controlling to point it away from you, once again no one expects the woman to grab from the gun so the perpetrator is not expecting it–you can’t let go after either of these choices though–you’ll be fighting to the death at this point–so make sure you have no other options.

- Vomit, urinate, tell him you are menstruating, tell him you have a sexually transmitted disease, defecate. Many rapist will be repulsed by the “dirty bodily fluids” and will back off. Most rapists aren’t fetishists.

- Keys can be a very good deterrent. If you are near your car, remember that most keys these days have a panic button that would set off your car alarm. If someone grabs you, put your key between 2 fingers in your fist and try to stab the attacker in the eye with the key.

- The palm of your hand shoved with force to the bottom of the nose upward also works.

- Elbow or stiff fingers to the solar plexus if you are in close.

- Women should stomp the tops of their attackers feet, if they are grabbed from behind. This is especially useful if you are wearing high heels. Aim for the area at the top of the foot and the bottom of the leg, as it will be the most vulnerable and open.

- Attackers are usually prepared for a groin hit, but if you see the opening, take it.

- Poke him in the eyeball with your finger/s.

I hope I am not misunderstood here.

No one is encouraging women to binge drink. If not drinking would make you feel more “safe” then that is your choice and what you should do. But not drinking doesn’t exactly provide real protection. Sure, women are more likely to be raped when drinking. But most women I know who have been raped, myself included, were sober at the time. That sobriety did not protect us. You say that you don’t care who is to blame but just want to prevent rape — but we will never be able to prevent rape by expecting women’s behavior to change and not men’s (who are the huge vast majority of rapists). And we will never expect rapists to stop what they’re doing if we don’t center conversations about prevention around them.

The fact is that it’s your right to protect yourself, and I encourage you to do so in whichever way you choose. But even if your not drinking preventing you from being raped, it’s very unlikely that it would prevent rape. Another woman will simply take your place. That’s not solving the problem. And if all women stopped drinking, rapists would just get more clever. A huge number of them are already.