Comments on: On sexual assault and language

By: On Appeasement « The Radical Notion

On Appeasement « The Radical Notion — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:02:43 +0000

[...] It’s recognizing the reality and the actual horror all rape victims undergo, regardless of how closely their assault adheres to the “scary man jumping out of the bushes at night” idea. The sooner media outlets can [...]

By: “Causing Sexual Contact”? : The Curvature

“Causing Sexual Contact”? : The Curvature — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:23:13 +0000

[...] have on numerous occasions, the most recent being during the Day of Blogs, railed against the use of language other than [...]

By: Day of Blogs » 27: More on Sexual Violence and Language

Day of Blogs » 27: More on Sexual Violence and Language — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 02:09:46 +0000

[...] sexual violence help to shape how we see sexual violence (and yes, vice versa). In this post, On sexual assault and language, I delve into the topic more deeply, explaining some of the reasons why I feel language is [...]

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 02:31:25 +0000

No problem.

By: konstanze

konstanze — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 01:44:34 +0000

Oh, Cara, I’m sorry about that–when I said “her” I was still talking in the general sense. I now see that it looked like I was talking about you specifically. It wasn’t a very articulate post and I was so emotional I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.

By: x. trapnel

x. trapnel — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 22:20:51 +0000

Great post. I think this highlights how many concepts, especially moral/political/legal ones, seem to take their meaning from their conceptual entailments in *both* directions. That is, for many people, rape seems to be both defined by what it takes for something to be rape *and* by what the consequences (moral and otherwise) are of something being rape. So it’s not simply that people are misusing the word, it’s that their concept of rape is not internally consistent; many cannot accept the entailments of the commitments they believe themselves to have.

By: Anna

Anna — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:47:53 +0000

Cara – well done. I too am a stickler for vocabulary – believing that a culture’s use &/or abuse of its rhetoric is largely & dangerously unrecognized. However, helping women who have been victimized should certainly come first.

How sad that this word is such an issue. The words we DUCK in this country say a lot about us.

By: akeeyu

akeeyu — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 23:00:21 +0000

I was one of those women who did not immediately identify what happened to me as rape. I talked to people afterwards, professional people, and they said it wasn’t rape. It wasn’t like what rape looked like on TV. I mostly called it ‘that bad thing that happened’.

I mean, it was my boyfriend, and I didn’t even break up with him (I just didn’t sleep with him again for months because I couldn’t stand to be touched), so how could it be rape?

My body had a pretty good idea what was up, however. I was hyperalert for weeks. I couldn’t stand to be touched or have people come up behind me. I still don’t like being held in certain ways.

What I do know is that when I finally figured out that yes, what happened to me WAS rape, I cried harder than I ever did at the time.

This is why it bugs me to read articles saying “But the wimmin! They don’t even think it’s rape! So it’s okay!” Maybe they don’t use the magic words, but there is still an injury.

By: Jemima

Jemima — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 15:01:16 +0000

I’m not sure you’re right about the word, death. When you buy a life insurance, what you’re really buying is a death insurance, so why not call it that? Because I figure the insurance companies have realised that reminding people of their own mortality is bad for business. A life insurance isn’t “in case of your death”, it is “in case your relatives are left behind”. It’s semantics and it avoids the nasty truth that we’re all gonna die, and some of us are gonna die sooner rather than later.

Other than that little bit of semantics I completely agree with you.

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 04:11:00 +0000

Kristen, I’m certainly not an expert, either. I think that the most important thing is making it clear that the abuse was wrong, in no way acceptable, in no way the victim’s fault and that she has every right to be hurt/upset/angry/traumatized. My personal opinion is that naming is most important for those women who question whether or no they should even be upset about the abuse. The “well I did . . .” and “my mom said . . .” and “but we took wedding vows . . .” and “don’t other people . . .?” Those are the types for whom I think that naming would be most important. Honestly, when I displayed that kind of behavior, it’s what I was looking for. I think the word is necessary because most women do understand in the abstract that abuse and rape are wrong — like you said, it’s just that they don’t think it’s what has happened to them. I therefore believe that naming it as abuse/assault/rape can help them to understand that it was wrong. But I’m only one person, and the other evidence I’ve heard to support my belief is all anecdotal.