You didn’t. I said that I got the feeling from your statements that you were.

when i said women must watch out every single second i didn’t mention strangers. You mentioned strangers. I simply said they must watch out. From every one, even from those other women who have no consciousness of their being women and therefore don’t care to think and reflect about the politics of everyday life.

You were making the statement in the context of self-defense classes. Though learning self-defense isn’t going to hurt you when you’re facing violence against someone you know, it’s not going to hurt you — but there’s a good chance that it’s not going to help, either. If someone, anyone, is abusing you, should you defend yourself? Of course. But I bet you’ll find that when you have feelings towards someone, no matter what they are doing to you, it becomes a lot harder to use violence to physically protect yourself. I can tell you that it’d be much easier for me to take a swing at a stranger posing a threat than at my father, husband or brothers. Even if they all equally deserved it.

Also, the “shit” I referred to is the mindset of “why doesn’t she just leave? She should leave, and it’s disugsting if she doesn’t.” I was claiming this as a popular mindset, one I used to have, and one that you seemed to me to be suggesting. If it is not what you were implying, then the word “shit” doesn’t apply.

when i said women must watch out every single second i didn’t mention strangers. You mentioned strangers. I simply said they must watch out. From every one, even from those other women who have no consciousness of their being women and therefore don’t care to think and reflect about the politics of everyday life.
Also, i don’t think what i say is “shit” as you call it. The topic is delicate and we all get passionate about it. But in the end we are fighting the same battle. I hope.

Well this may be helpful to you, even if it only makes you feel better. So go for it. But it’s hardly a long-term social plan. Even if we encourage every woman on the planet to take self-defense classes, some will always be vulnerable. Children, the elderly, the sick and physically disabled. There are also alawys going to be men (and women) who are stronger than you.

One man against twelve men is also an easy target. So is a man with a gun to his head or a knife to his throat. All the examples you mention are valid on the male side. Aren’t they?

Yes. And apologies if I’ve missed it, but I didn’t see you suggest here that men should also be taking self-defense classes.

The problem stays, violence stays, and women must watch out, every single second.

Not true. Your chances of being attacked by a stranger are very slim, and it’s ideas like this that are used to terrify women, keep them in line, and not watch out for those who post the most danger. Statistically speaking, I should be more alert and prepared for violence from my husband than from any stranger, and actually probably any other man that I know. Sorry, those are the facts. I’m not opposed to women being able to defend themselves, by any means, but it’s thoughts like these, not those who say that focusing on self-defense as a “prevention” method, that promote the idea that violence is inescapable.

But it is so bad for me to hear other women blaming their being woman for not taking the freedoms they want. And going back to the original topic of the post, these are the same women who “submit” to the sexual demands of their male partners simply because that’s what women are supposed to do. It’s disgusting.

It is disgusting, but I really feel as though you’re placing the blame on the women and no the abusive men who make sexual demands and don’t give a shit what their female partners want. They are disgusting. Their actions are disgusting. But you’re talking about what the women are doing, not what the men are doing. It’s awful easy to say “leave” when you’re not the one in the situation. I was a stupid kid and used to say shit like that. Then it was me. And so now I encourage women to leave, because it absolutely is the best option in nearly all cases. But I sure as hell don’t blame them when they don’t and understand the reasons why they don’t.

To me it is not centralised enough, not in this part of Europe anyway. Self-defense is more than simply the ability to react physically. It is the fact that i can positively affirm “i am not going to let them think they can attack me just because i am a woman”. This is everyday-life-thinking aimed at strenghtening women’s consciousness, not at ALARMING (as most anti-rape campaigns i know seem to do). What you say is true: SOME “women are easy targets”. One man against twelve men is also an easy target. So is a man with a gun to his head or a knife to his throat. All the examples you mention are valid on the male side. Aren’t they?
Now, again, i care that you don’t think i am talking “easy”. The problem stays, violence stays, and women must watch out, every single second. But it is so bad for me to hear other women blaming their being woman for not taking the freedoms they want. And going back to the original topic of the post, these are the same women who “submit” to the sexual demands of their male partners simply because that’s what women are supposed to do. It’s disgusting.
Maybe i am too proud.
But i am getting stronger.
And I wish women to be strong critical tools of change.

Not so it can be used as a way to blame her for an attack but so that women can stop being and thinking of themselves as easy targets.

Some women _are_ “easy targets”. How can you expect an illegal immigrant in custody to fight back against her custodians? A woman being attacked by 12 men? A drunk woman being pinned down by the rapist’s buddies? A woman with a gun to her head or a knife to her throat? A woman whose baby is being held hostage?

I have a physical disability that makes me weak and unable to run. My karate and judo training is near-useless. It definitely affects the way I do things, which shits me. Should I just adjust my attitude and stop thinking of myself as vulnerable?

Self-defence? Great, whatever. Might be useful for a small minority of situations, might be counter-productive in some others. I’m sick to death of it being centralised when rape prevention is discussed.

I strongly second that. I’m a firm believer that all women should be taught self defense. ALL women – any race, any age, any weight, any level of handicap, ALL women.

Not so it can be used as a way to blame her for an attack but so that women can stop being and thinking of themselves as easy targets.

But it’s the women who NEED to realise this. ALL women. Understand they CAN decide what sex they want to have. Never GIVE IN to stupid stereotypes.

Because if only WOMEN would adjust their attitudes, rape would disappear!!1!

WTF?

When I read this article, my first thoughts were, a) I’d like to see stats on which of these couples had children, because it seems to me that more children = more work = less time for sex, b) Maybe the people interviewed don’t want sex to last very long because they don’t really like who they’re with.

I dunno.