Comments on: Faulty Feminist Introspection

By: Kara

Kara — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:42:35 +0000

I actually understand stranger rapists more than date rapists. A man that attacks you in an alley wants your non-consent, pain, and fear.

But in these so-called “accidental” rapes, how can a man not notice his partner is not moving? She is not holding onto him, or kissing him, or talking to him about how she’s feeling pleasure or asking him if he’s feeling pleasure.

I HAVE had an ex boyfriend stop in sex, look me in the eye, and ask me if I consented. I was a little surprised, because I had. “Well,” he said, “You don’t seem to be into it, so why don’t we stop?” He took no pleasure from an apparently uninterested partner. If you can’t engage your lover, not only are you a bad lover, you might be a rapist.

By: Victims Do Not “Contribute” To Their Own Rapes : The Curvature

Victims Do Not “Contribute” To Their Own Rapes : The Curvature — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:57:58 +0000

[...] matter whether or not she “meant” it. If by some odd chance she didn’t mean it (as I’ve noted before, I strongly believe that this supposedly wide-spread phenomenon is a myth), then she will just have [...]

By: Noli Irritare Leones » Blog Archive » Comments on various posts

Noli Irritare Leones » Blog Archive » Comments on various posts — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 07:44:35 +0000

[...] that I like in this carnival: Cara at the Curvature on Faulty Feminist Introspection. You see, there was an article in Science Daily – not the object of Cara’s criticism, but [...]

By: Daughter of the Ring of Fire » Blog Archive » I could say who’s to blame, say who’s the man in this cautionary tale

Sat, 17 May 2008 00:45:25 +0000

[...] social subtle cues, this is considered another sign of a “disease”. On the other hand, if men fail to understand and heed women’s indirect communication in bed, people are much more… (even if, as commenters in the the linked thread point out, there are reasons for using an indirect [...]

By: Sexual refusals and misunderstandings « Feminist Philosophers

Sexual refusals and misunderstandings « Feminist Philosophers — Fri, 16 May 2008 18:29:56 +0000

[...] (For an excellent, and pissed-off, discussion of these issues, check out Cara’s post here.) [...]

By: Walking Out a Rapist : The Curvature

Walking Out a Rapist : The Curvature — Thu, 08 May 2008 16:53:52 +0000

[...] despite the fact that they’re good for the occasional story I haven’t already seen? Lots and lots of reasons, actually, but really it’s because of shit like this. There are, [...]

By: Lyndsay

Lyndsay — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:42:56 +0000

I found this in an academic journal:

“…surveys such as that done in 1988 at Texas A&M University. This survey found that 39.3 percent of the female undergraduates surveyed sometimes said no, although they “had every intention to and were willing to engage in sexual intercourse.” Although this and other studies showed that “no” does mean “no” for most women, some interpreting these results cite them as evidence that the word “no” confuses some men.”

By: roses

roses — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:46:49 +0000

You know, I’ve never had a partner misinterpret my “stop” signals as “keep going”. I’ve had more than one partner stop when confronted with such a signal, and just ask: “Do you want to stop?” At which point I would respond: “Yes” or “For tonight, yeah, but maybe we can pick up tomorrow where we’re leaving off” or “Not stop, but slow down/change positions” or “Oh, no, this is great, but thanks for your concern”. And those times it was the last one, the mood has never been ruined. A quick reminder that my partner cares about me and respects me enough as a human being to make sure I do want this and am enjoying myself is not a turn-off for me.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 21:07:35 +0000

b) women have good reason to fear more violence from a direct “no” than from an indirect “no”.

This is so true – How many of us have been in a situation where we are hanging out/making out, whatever with a guy and gradually or suddenly get the sixth sense that this could go badly, very badly if I do not extricate myself from the situation…but we fear if we we just straight up say “No, I do not want to have sex with you, get the fuck off me” then they could become violent and things could escalate.
This may just me projecting from past bad/violent encounters, but I have definatley gotten that feeling and have used, the “it’s late, I gotta go” or an excuse of that variety to get the hell out of dodge.
Could be that I am just being a chicken shit, but I always take the “excuse” route before I just simply say “no”…..
Probably something I should work on :-)

By: Pizza Diavola

Pizza Diavola — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 19:31:57 +0000

Why is it that with most other situations in life, if you don’t understand what a person means, you say “what do you mean?” but when it comes to sex, it’s perfectly okay to make assumptions?

There’s an idea of male entitlement to heterosexual sex. I mean, not all men are this way, but I think that idea is perpetuated in pop culture: women aren’t supposed to want sex, or if they do, they half-heartedly say no when they really mean yes, and men are supposed to always want sex that’s always about them and their pleasure. Which all contributes to presenting rape as normal sex. Sickening.