Comments on: No, My First Name Ain’t Sweetie

By: brenna

brenna — Mon, 26 May 2008 15:14:12 +0000

As a Southern woman, I tend to use “cute” epithets for people. It’s what we do. We also call everyone older than us “Sir” or Ma’am” excepting such use of epithets. I think this is an acceptable practice. Since I believe it is acceptable for me to do, I don’t see what makes it unacceptable for him to do the same. His penis does not change the rules.

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 24 May 2008 13:13:31 +0000

It feels the same way it would for some complete stranger to touch my arm when talking to them: inappropriate and invasive.

Okay, can I just say that I hate when people do that? I mean, I’m really not a touchy person and dislike being touched more or less by anyone who’s not my husband, so when I total stranger does that hand on the arm thing it makes me feel uncomfortable beyond belief.

By: Jenee

Jenee — Sat, 24 May 2008 06:59:34 +0000

It’s funny that I happened to read this today, since I just dealt with a customer (I’m a retail salesperson) on the phone today who kept calling me honey and sweetie and whatever else kind of pet name you can think of. I get it all of the time, and every time it makes me bristle all over. The customer who spoke to me this morning happened to be a young-sounding female and I was surprised to notice that I wasn’t really any less offended to be called that by a woman.

I think I’m just upset by someone I don’t know calling me by such an intimate name. It feels the same way it would for some complete stranger to touch my arm when talking to them: inappropriate and invasive.

Beyond that, unless coming from the elderly, it feels dismissive. The men who call me honey or sweetie are the same men who will make eye contact with me from across the store, then snap their fingers and point and the floor to indicate that they would like me to come over and answer a question for them. To me, they’re just different faces of the same coin, and I don’t like any of it. Unless the person is elderly, I resent being talked to like I am a child. Especially when I’ve never heard anyone but the elderly talk to my male coworker in the same manner.

In spite of how much it upsets me, I don’t have a good way to deal with it. With customers, I let it slide. In other situations, I usually tell them/remind them of my name, and instruct them to use it.

By: Judi

Judi — Wed, 21 May 2008 22:37:45 +0000

I believe it was not a good answer “Hold on sweetie” but i’m not offended at all. My Grandfather often said to my friends, “BABY HAND ME THAT”, “honey chile where is the rest of your clothes”, and “Listen here now little lady”….look at some point, figure out when people are approachable, then figure that maybe they are frustrated getting comments tossed at them, and the reporter I’m sure has been called much worse by Men that meant to offend her…if you want to be forgiven, learn to forgive. that comment was not even worth the effort.

By: lepidopteryx

lepidopteryx — Tue, 20 May 2008 14:56:44 +0000

Whether I find such terms offensive or not depends on context.
A member of my church exchanging pleasantries at the coffee hour – fine.
A politician talking to a journalist – not appropriate.

When I worked in customer service, I would sometimes get some variant of “Thanks, sweetie” at the end of a transaction. I didn’t really mind that, as long as the term used wasn’t too personal, except for the one time that it was accompanied by a pat on the head (I’m short). I responded by hanging my tongue out of my mouth, panting, and saying “Arf.”

By: Annabelle

Annabelle — Mon, 19 May 2008 02:28:46 +0000

I see that a lot of people are finding this really offensive, but I honestly don’t understand why.

I’ve been called sweetie, hon, darling, luv, and whatever else by men and women of various ages including in a professional context, and I call most people hon or sweetie (men and women of any age). I’ve never had anyone be offended, but perhaps they just didn’t say anything?

And I agree, I’d rather be called sweetie than ma’am.

By: J

Sun, 18 May 2008 18:19:12 +0000

Maybe this is because I didn’t grow up in the northeast, but it doesn’t bother me one bit if someone calls me sweetie, honey, dear, whatever. I find it friendly. A lot of people use affectionate names for people of either gender, including strangers, in the west and south. I tend to call men honey, darlin’ or dearie, even now that I live on the east coast, and I’ve never gotten a bad reaction fwiw.

I would be offended or at least skeeved if a strange man used a name with sexual overtones, like babe or doll, but something purely affectionate just seems friendly to me. It implies to me that I come off as likeable, which I try to do. And I’d much rather be called sweetie than ma’am.

By: Moody

Moody — Sun, 18 May 2008 17:34:52 +0000

I get called hon every now and then. I find it to be a term of endearment. Although I’m a guy, so it has completely different connotations. I’ve even had a male coworker call me that and it was completely sincere.

By: Jack Valentine

Jack Valentine — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:02:56 +0000

Whatever apologies he can give, however innocent he can make it sound, he made that comment in a vulnerable moment–one where he hadn’t planned ahead of time what he was going to say.

“Sweetie,” forgivable though it may be, is dismissive and sexist.

By: Maud

Maud — Sun, 18 May 2008 05:02:26 +0000

This really is something the Senator needs to “work on.” He previously referred to Sen. Barbara Boxer as “a cutie.” He did not address her that way, but called her that in speaking (positively) of her.

She’s at least 20 years his senior, and very much senior to him in the Senate, not just in age. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t refer to Sen. Harry Reid, for instance, that way.

I don’t think Obama is a member of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club, but he really needs to learn to separate the way he deals with women professionally from the way he deals with them in his personal life. It seems he tends to see them as women first, and professionals second. And, as someone who spent her working life in clerical jobs, professional isn’t the right word either, but I couldn’t think of the right word. It’s no more appropriate to speak to or of the person who does your data entry or performs some other service not generally considered “professional” like a child or your pet because she’s a woman.