Jun

30

This Broke My Heart

Filed Under media, rape and sexual assault, violence against women and girls | Leave a Comment

From an article in the NY Times Magazine, written in a list of memories by a woman who suffers from amnesia, which allows her to remember apparently large events in her life but not others, and renders her often unable to place in time those things she does remember:

I was raped, I think. Although I was physically overpowered, I did know the guy, and there was no knife or gun. I remember driving home in the very early morning, wondering if I was ever going to have to see him again and, if so, what I should say.

I genuinely do regret to inform the writer, as someone who knows that horrible self-blaming “was it rape?” feeling, that yes, it was.  And though I dream mostly of a day when women have no use for such a realization, in the immediate future I constantly find myself hoping for a time when women do not blame themselves, can rightly declare that they were raped without the caveats, and need not ask that question as a part of the recovery process.

Let that hope motivate us to keep working.

Jun

30

Note

Filed Under blog news, blogging | Leave a Comment

I’m having internet access trouble.  My modem is fucked and I won’t be able to get a new one until tomorrow afternoon.  Seeing as how I’ve already lost internet access three times in the last two hours, I have no idea whether or not I’ll actually be able to get anything up today.  I also might not be around to moderate comments.  Thanks for your patience.

Jun

28

Seven Summer Songs

Filed Under Gratuitous Beatles Blogging, fun, media, pop culture | 4 Comments

I found this via Iylka:

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

Now, she didn’t tag me, but it looked like a lot of fun, so I decided to do it anyway. After all, I did just go ahead and bite the bullet and make a Gratuitous Beatles Blogging category. Might as well use it, don’t you think? Some people have their cat, or dog, or otter blogging. I can have my occasional Saturday Beatles blogging, right? (No, seriously, I’m not pissing anyone off, am I?)

And yes, they are all Beatles songs. I go through obsessive periods, and my obsessive Beatles periods tend to last longest. I haven’t listened to anything but the Beatles for months now. No, that’s not an exaggeration. But I’m having a great time with it, and showing no signs of slowing down! As you can see, I’m in an early Beatles mood lately, which is really unlike me. But, finally watching the Beatles Anthology for the first time this Christmas, particularly the live performances, gave me a new appreciation for their early work. Also, if these aren’t “summer” songs, I don’t know what are.

I Should Have Known Better. One of John’s best early songs, IMHO. Video from A Hard Day’s Night, one of my favorite movies. Watch John rock out the harmonica and Paul make some flirty eyes with George’s future wife Pattie Boyd.

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Jun

27

On Aging and The Right to Sex

Filed Under disability, human rights, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality | 16 Comments

I just found this article via Amber Rhea, and it broke my heart.  It’s about an 82-year-old woman and 95-year-old man (called “Dorothy” and “Bob”) who met in an assisted living facility and became romantically involved.  Both had dementia.  And everyone thought that their romance was all very cute and lovely . . . until the two of them started having sex.

Because both Bob and Dorothy suffer from dementia, the son assumed that his father didn’t fully understand what was going on. And his sputtering cell phone call reporting the scene he’d happened upon would have been funny, the manager said, if the consequences hadn’t been so serious. “He was going, ‘She had her mouth on my dad’s penis! And it’s not even clean!’ ” Bob’s son became determined to keep the two apart and asked the facility’s staff to ensure that they were never left alone together.

After that, Dorothy stopped eating. She lost 21 pounds, was treated for depression, and was hospitalized for dehydration. When Bob was finally moved out of the facility in January, she sat in the window for weeks waiting for him. She doesn’t do that anymore, though: “Her Alzheimer’s is protecting her at this point,” says her doctor, who thinks the loss might have killed her if its memory hadn’t faded so mercifully fast.

But should someone have protected the couple’s right to privacy—their right to have a sex life?

For me, the answer seems like an obvious “yes.”  It was believed by Dorothy’s family and the caretakers at the assisted living facility that the two of them were very much in love.  And even more than that, I feel that everyone has a right to sex, albeit one that stops at another person’s right to not have sex.  I don’t feel that’s something that ends with old age or with disability.

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Jun

27

Target Women: Botox

Filed Under beauty myths, feminism, fun, media | 4 Comments

Personally, I think that Sarah just keeps getting better. The “parentheses” bit just about had me rolling on the floor. Thanks for sending it along, Kai!

Jun

26

Now Ladies, Science Says That Sex is Bad, Mmmkay?

Filed Under gender, media, patriarchy, sex and sexuality, sexism, slut-shaming | 23 Comments

I don’t know why the hell I even bother getting angry anymore, but Jesus Fucking Christ do I hate the media.

There’s some new study on sex and different male and female perceptions towards it (cue groans).  It’s about casual sex.  What kind of headlines is it prompting?  Ones like these:

Women Have Not Adapted To Casual Sex, Research Shows; Casual sex rates low for many women; The one-night stand blues: How girls are left to regret brief encounters; and my favorite, Men like casual sex more than women – scientific fact

Anyone want to guess why this pisses me off?  Probably because, oops!, that’s not what the fucking study says.

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Jun

25

On Feminism and Transphobia

Filed Under LGBTQ, assholes, bigotry, feminism, gender, trans, transphobia and trans misogyny | 50 Comments

So.  I can’t possibly be the only person who is really fucking pissed off that there’s a link to a transphobic piece of bullshit in the latest Carnival of Feminists, can I?

I’m not linking to it, but it’s the very last post in the carnival, and unless you’re also an anti-trans bigot or merely ignorant about trans issues, a title like “Deconstructing Transgenderism” will probably stick out at you like a sore thumb.  Honestly, I got a trackback from the carnival but didn’t remember submitting anything recently, which is why I was even looking.  I wasn’t planning on reading the carnival, but I did skim the page, and that just jumped off the screen. Truly, I’m embarrassed to have a piece of my writing included alongside it.  Though it is a bit ironic and definitely fitting that the post of mine in question is about certain feminists acting like stupid assholes.

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Jun

24

Librarians: Warping Your Children’s Minds with Factual Information About Sex

Filed Under anti-choice extremism, assholes, education and schools, religious fanaticism, reproductive justice, sex and sexuality, social conservatives, women’s health | 17 Comments


clearly not a place for learning

Some jerks calling themselves the Concerned Citizens for Batavia are demanding that the Batavia, IL public library take down a link to the Planned Parenthood sex education site, Teenwire.

As most of you probably know by now, I work for Planned Parenthood, and I just so happen to use Teenwire a lot to check medical facts and provide references when writing about sexual health issues for the organization.  Honestly, I love Teenwire.  It’s amazing.  If you have a teen, I can’t more strongly recommend giving them a link to this site.  On Teenwire, answers aren’t given only about contraception and STD prevention — nope, you name it, they’ve got it.  From LGBT informational resources, to positive body image, to information about healthy relationships, including information about rape and consent, they’ve got the bases covered.

Now, is the site explicit?  Somewhat.  There aren’t pictures that could be considered pornographic, but there is *gasp* strong and honest language used to talk about sexuality.  I know, using the names of real body parts, not treating teens like they’re asexual beings who should be embarrassed to ask questions — and breaking the taboo of all taboos by talking about pleasure as a part of sex education — is pretty scary. Admittedly, the site is extremely comprehensive  and frank — I’ve found information on masturbation, female sexual pleasure, female ejaculation, pubic hair, penis size . . . the list goes on.  Even I was a bit surprised that they included so much information on such diverse and in depth topics.  This is, of course, why I love it.  Teenwire treats sex like a healthy, important part of life for those who wish to engage in it, encourages conversations between sexual partners, and treats females like autonomous people with sexual desire.

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Jun

23

Memphis Police Officer Beats Transgender Suspect

Filed Under LGBTQ, assholes, bigotry, misogyny, patriarchy, trans, transphobia and trans misogyny, violence against women and girls | 13 Comments

I’m admittedly a bit behind on the news lately, but I’m disturbed that I haven’t seen this story anywhere else: via HuffPo, a Memphis police officer was caught on tape beating a suspect named Duanna Johnson (h/t).  Johnson, who was arrested for prostitution, is a black transgender woman.  You can view the video here (trigger warning).

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Jun

21

I’d Love to Turn You On

Filed Under Gratuitous Beatles Blogging, fun, pop culture, random | 15 Comments

Dude. So, Paul McCartney performed A Day in the Life live.

Whoa.

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