Comments on: On Aging and The Right to Sex

By: Above the Age of Consent??? « The Other Side of Madness

Above the Age of Consent??? « The Other Side of Madness — Sat, 30 May 2009 19:43:12 +0000

[...] sexual assault, sexual justice, sexual violence) I suppose it was bound to happen eventually. A man is alleging his elderly father was sexually assaulted by a female patient at an assisted livin…, on the grounds that his father has dementia and is incapable of informed consent, despite the fact [...]

By: Joyce Evans

Joyce Evans — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:19:10 +0000

Iam 74 and a widow for six years. Because my husband had prostate resection 30 years ago I learned to take care of myself. There have been no other partners.

I am happy to see that times are slowly changing and although I do miss the “touch, smell and taste” of a man that I care for, what I can do for myself gives me pleasure.

It is, after, our right.

By: eruvande

eruvande — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:11:16 +0000

My husband’s grandparents lived in a nursing home together. He was deaf, and she had had two strokes and couldn’t speak, but they both seemed to have their mental faculties basically intact. A few years ago, they were caught trying to have sex. Shocked, the home moved them into separate beds, even though grandpa pointed out that they’d been married for seventy years and should be allowed to do what they wanted.

I met them only once, but they were very sweet. Grandma in particular was very touch-starved, and the whole time I was there, she insisted that I sit next to her, and hugged on me and held my hand and just smiled with tears in her eyes. Broke my heart.

I think another big part of the problem is our tendency to see elderly couples in love as “soooo cute,” and of course, cute things don’t have sex. These people have lived so long and have so little to bring them pleasure anymore; why can’t we let them do what they want?

By: Daomadan

Daomadan — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:31:51 +0000

This reminds me of the articles that have touched upon the growing number of STDs in some nursing homes/care facilities because many of the adults in them are…shock!…having sex! (I think they even broke up an orgy once.)

Most people have already expressed my feelings on the matter (Cara, Renee) and personally I hope that if I live to be 60 or 70 or 80 or beyond that I can still be a sexual person, whether with a partner or with myself.

By: secondhandsally

secondhandsally — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 19:15:18 +0000

I think that part of the problem that people have with their elderly parents having sex stems from a larger problem people have with seeing their parents as real people, separate from their role as “Dad” or “Mom.” It’s a self-centered viewpoint that I think creates a lot of tension between parents and children. Parents often fail to see their children as “real people” and instead of think of them as “my child,” which they think gives them a kind of ownership over their child’s sexuality. I think the same is true when children become their parent’s caretakers.

This is such an interesting post; thank you for writing it.

By: Renee

Renee — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 03:47:30 +0000

Really, the whole thing confounds me. Have your little “ew” moment, people, if you need one. Then be decent enough to stop asking “what if it was your mother?” and start asking “what if it was me?”

You know when you put it like that maybe more people would be inclined to take a less repressive approach to the whole issue. It just sucks that we have to turn a situation around and place ourselves in the middle of it to recognize an injustice. We should naturally want the best for our loved ones because that is the right thing to do.

By: Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2008-06-28

Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2008-06-28 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 23:35:07 +0000

[...] On Aging and The Right to Sex : The Curvature “I’m one of those people to whom sex is very important. I can’t even begin to imagine having that taken from me, at any age. And so I certainly can’t imagine a way in which I could support taking the right to consensual sexual contact from another per (tags: sex aging discrimination ageism sexuality relationships) [...]

By: Jen

Jen — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 21:54:08 +0000

Dude, your parents had sex. That’s why they’re your parents. Get over it.

I think their story was beautiful and romantic. It breaks my heart that he had to go and ruin something that could have given them so much joy in their last days.

By: Anna

Anna — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:16:08 +0000

I think part of the reaction is that “ick” factor of one’s parents having sex – cuz EW! If my parents had sex, then they were, at some point, sexual, just like me, and if that’s true, one day I will be just like them! Aaaaaa! Fear of growing old.

People totally have this asexual idea of people with disabilities. No one believes that my husband was disabled when I fell in love with him, or that we could have an active and wonderful sex life – they’re much more inclined to believe I’m using him for his money (ha!) and that he’s incapable of leaving for fear of being alone.

When I was living away, I encouraged him to get massage therapy and the like, not because I thought it would do anything at all for his disability, but for that touch aspect that annajcook brought up. (Heck when I was living away, I went out for massage occasionally for that touch aspect, and people aren’t afraid to casually touch me the way they are someone with a disability.)

By: Cara

Cara — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:23:28 +0000

Thanks for sharing, Jenna. You know, the “what if it was your mother?” question, to me, is a really bad but also really telling one. If it was my mother? Well, I’d be slightly squicked out, I’m sure, but then I’d get over it, stop acting like a childish asshole. Loving my mother and wanting her to be as happy and comfortable as possible, I’d bring her the damn vibrator.