When I saw an email in my inbox with the subject “BEAUTY SECRET Bust-Firming Bra: 4 Weeks to a Firmer You,” I thought it must be spam with strangely correct spelling. But then I saw that the email from from Victoria’s Secret (whose emails I get virtually daily and delete unless they actually happen to have a good deal). The picture to your left is a Victoria’s Secret model showing off the new advertised bra.
From the product description:
The secret’s out: 4 weeks to a firmer looking you. Introducing the only bra proven to tighten, firm and enhance the appearance of your skin – all you have to do is wear it. Beauty Secret™ gives your bust a more uplifted effect in just 4 weeks. Innovative firming and renewal treatments diminish signs of aging and improve skin’s ability to retain moisture, resulting in a naturally firmer-looking bust area. Beauty Secret™ is an unprecedented breakthrough in the world of bras…and now it’s yours to experience. Lightly lined. Contoured shaping. Underwire cups. Adjustable straps. Back closure. Imported nylon/spandex.
• Gives an 18% boost in skin firmness after 4 weeks of continuous wear (8 hours daily)
• Safe to wash (hand-wash preferred): retains renewing power for the life of the bra
• Feels just like any other bra: no inserts, creams or lotions
• You’ll notice results after 4 weeks of continuous wear (8 hours daily), with maximum rejuvenation in 8 weeks
Wow. I guess they are serious.
The bra is, of course, $68. Which means that unless you want to regularly hand-wash your bra at night and cross your fingers that it’s dry in the morning, you’re going to have to buy at least two. But what a small price to pay for an 18% boost in skin firmness! A firmness that, if similar creams are any indication, you will never actually see.
I’m not sure which is sadder: that Victoria’s Secret thinks women are so dumb that they’ll actually buy this thing, or that women are so beaten down with regards to their appearance that many probably will actually buy this thing.
Just out of curiousity: anyone have any clue how they’re even pretending that this bra really firms your breasts? What kind of bullshit pseudo-cure talk are they going to use to “back up” their claims here?