Comments on: When Men Who Rape Aren’t Rapists

By: Rape Apologism Starts Early : The Curvature

Rape Apologism Starts Early : The Curvature — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:29:40 +0000

[...] long lamented the fact that no one wants to think that someone they know, let alone love, might be a rapist. And they will contort all logic and facts to find a way to either assert that [...]

By: Dori

Dori — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 21:07:49 +0000

Rebecca, if someone rapes someone else, they are a rapist. This is pretty basic. It doesn’t matter that the girl was out at night, PEOPLE SHOULDN’T RAPE.

By: SunlessNick

SunlessNick — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:26:17 +0000

because people like my husband, who is not a rapist, might be out there trying to rape her

Because she might turn people like my husband, who is not a rapist, into rapists. Because obviously rape isn’t a choice.

Bleuch.

By: Rebecca

Rebecca — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 03:15:17 +0000

Let me see if this is what it boils down to: my husband is not a rapist, but that girl was still stupid to be out at that time of night, because people like my husband, who is not a rapist, might be out there trying to rape her.
Yeah, sounds pretty reasonable.

By: Marie

Marie — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 01:23:28 +0000

actually, rapists are often nice to kids. go and do some research on that. They have to tell themself that they are good people.

By: Marie

Marie — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 01:22:26 +0000

As a sex crime victim, I would like to express how i feel towards this whole thing.

I believe the reason why the RAPIST married his wife was because she was gullible and vulnerable. This is the reason why I dont think josef fritzl’s wife is to be blamed for not challenging josef for 24 years or not leaving josef after he had raped someone. Those men tend to choose women that they can dominant to be their wives.Also, after that many years, those wives are brain washed.

I really hope that those who use the word “stupid” to describe the victim try and imagine how they would feel if the victim is their loved one. The girl could be standing alone in the dark for hrs and was scared and someone who seemed trust worthy offered her a ride home sincerely, not really that stupid to accept the offer. Most of us think that rapists are huge and ugly, but not like a family man.

Well, it happened that my prepertrator ’s girlfriend wrote me something similar, it hurt.I found her selfish. She could pretend that nth had ever happened and hoped that i could do the same. That was one of the cruelest anyone can do to the victim, ask her to keep silence.

By: SunlessNick

SunlessNick — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:28:46 +0000

the “he’s not really like that” defense.

People can be like more than one thing. You’re devoted to your kid, then yes, that’s what you’re like. You take a woman to the cemetery and rape her, then that’s also what you’re like. Neither cancels out the other.

By: Jenny Dreadful

Jenny Dreadful — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 23:32:48 +0000

Wow, I actually just feel really badly for Laura, for the most part. It’s clear that her inability to see how somebody’s past behavior is part of a pattern that can predict how they might, potentially, treat her is putting her in a dangerous situation. It’s ironic that she doesn’t have a whole lot of sympathy for the person Stefano raped since she had so many chances to escape, while she is squandering or is just unable to see her own chance to escape. What a sad situation.

By: Lemur

Lemur — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:04:01 +0000

POAndrea, I really like your thoughts on labels and why they still apply. A person attending AA meetings is still an ‘alcoholic’, even 10 years later. A guy who has raped someone is still a rapist, even if he’s not OMGRapingsomegirl right that second. And yes, I heard that argument once.

By: POAndrea

POAndrea — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:05:19 +0000

Jess, there is NO REASON for you to feel “disgusting” or ashamed! Your friend did a terrible thing to your sister, and you didn’t fully understand it at the time. (Funny, we still have this idea of having sex with a drunk/stoned person as not quite as bad as forcible rape; we know it’s not right, but not AS wrong, morally or legally. Guilty of that perceptual error myself at times, and working on it by a lot of conscious effort.) From your post, it appears that when your sister gave you more information, you acted appropriately and terminated the friendship. Hearing her feelings made all the difference for you, and powerful as they may have been, they aren’t as overwhelming as an arrest, trial, conviction, and sentencing (likely with victim impact statements). Your initial views of your sister’s rape are not even remotely comparable to Laura’s denials in the face of such evidence. While I hope that Laura comes to learn and regret her error, my greater wish is that you find peace with yourself and an even stronger love with your sister.