You know, I really feel like I’ve covered the “aaaahhh, sex education for kindergartners? What’s wrong with you liberals?” panic before. But here we go again. This otherwise rational NYT op-ed in support of better sex education ends as follows:
Furthermore, a bipartisan group from the British Parliament is seeking to make sex education compulsory for “children as young as four years old.” In a letter to the paper, the group laid out its case: “International evidence suggests that high-quality sex and relationship education that puts sex in its proper context, that starts early enough to make a difference and that gives youngsters the confidence and ability to make well-informed decisions helps young people delay their first sexual experience and leads to lower teenage pregnancy levels.”
That may be extreme, but many Americans can’t even talk about sex without giggling, squirming or blushing. Let’s start there. Talk to your kids about sex tonight, with confidence and a straight face. “I’d prefer you waited to have sex. That said, whenever you choose to do it, make sure you use one of these condoms.” It works.
What, sex education for four-year-olds? That is extreme!
Except, oh wait, it’s not. It would be extreme if “sex education” in this context meant “teaching four-year-olds how to roll a condom onto a dildo.” But here is how sex education for young children does not go:
Good morning boys and girls!
GOOD MORNING MRS. JOHNSON.
Are you ready read a story???
YES!!!
Okay, this one is about gonorrhea. Can you say that? Gone-or-eeee-a.
Nope, not in fact even remotely like that. That would just be ridiculous and not so much offensive as bizarrely illogical. Sex education for young elementary school children, say between the ages of 4 and 7, actually includes information such as the following: “my body belongs to me,” where babies come from, good touch vs. bad touch, the names of body parts (i.e. “penis” and “vagina”), and maybe a bit of “all families are different.”
Yes, that is sex education! And it’s just plain common sense.
Except maybe it is extreme in a world of storks, watermelon seeds, and “leave it up to the parents” — the only logical interpretation of which is “I have a right to prevent my child from learning about his or her own body!”
See, I personally find that kind of idea to be extreme and downright wrong. But what do I know, I’m a crazy radical feminist who thinks that people have a right to information about their own bodies, who thinks that “people” includes children, and who would even fully support young childhood lessons about how it’s okay to touch your genitals for pleasure, so long as it’s in private, but not okay for anyone else to touch them. Hell, I’d be all for “some boys like boys, and some girls like girls.” *gasp*
I know, “extreme.” Except not. Someone please give Charles M. Blow and other supposed supporters of sex education the memo.
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Late one night, as I was getting my daughters (ages four and six) ready for bed, my youngest accidentally kicked my husband in a very sensitive place.
Cue the cry of “Ahh, my balls!” Husband shuffled painfully out of the room, and I finished getting the girls’ pajamas on. But I could tell by the look on my oldest daughter’s face that she was working up a question. Five minutes later:
“Mom, where are my balls?”
I have to say that I’m quite proud that I didn’t immediately dissolve into giggles (but damn, it was tempting!) Luckily, we already had a copy of It’s Not the Stork!, so what could have been an uncomfortable impromptu lesson in male anatomy (or worse, ignoring her question) was instead cleared up quickly by explaining that “balls are another word for testicles.”
It’s Not the Stork! is a great book for anyone with young kids, especially since we can’t count on the schools to give them any sex education beyond vague references to “bad touches.” I think parents have a duty to educate their kids about their bodies and sex – honestly, and without shame – and I feel for those kids whose parents avoid the topic. We’d be better off and healthier as a society if certain body parts weren’t considered taboo.
Totally agree with both of you! I have 9-year-old son and we had the first “sex talk” when he was 4. He asked, I told him the truth. Over the next 5 years we have talked about things in a lot more detail and have talked about homosexuality, bisexuality, etc.
It amazes me though when I have “friends” that tell me that this is inappropriate, that he too young to know about such things. Of course, they don’t have kids, so there you go.
I don’t know how long my son will wait before he has sex, but I am fairly certain that he will be careful when he does.
My mom got me a book called “The Stork Didn’t Bring Me” when I was 4 or 5. I remember the age because just after I got it, I met my best friend, and my mom told me not to show Kimberly the book, because Kimberly’s mom will tell her what’s in the book when she decides to.
Of course, I showed Kimberly the book. I mean, come on. It had naked drawings.
But, really. The longer we perpetuate the idea that the body is shameful, dirty, etc., the longer we will have issues that, you can argue, partially originate with damning the body. (You can include anything from an eating disorder to sexism to much more in that, as far as I’m concerned.) I know I’m HUGELY generalizing, but the freak out over early, basic sex ed seems indicative of that problematic body-hate, to me. (Of course, I’ve trained myself to think that way, so maybe I’m sort of stuck in that perspective.)
Wow, I feel like this is really on topic for me today.
I have a get together planned with my sisters in law (there are a few) tonight to talk about practical ways to prevent abuse in future generations.
My husbands family had alot of kids. I mean alot, with a 23 year age span.
There was also alot of abuse.
None of the abusers ever went to jail, and some have asked for forgiveness and live their lives normally. Some have never talked about it and just sort of expect to be accepted by the family (obviously I have some issues with that one). I’ll mention that it was brothers, not sisters, who perpetrated the abuse.
Now that I am pregnant I am getting really serious about how I am going to make sure my kid never has to go through any of that.
We know that silence needs to be abolished. How to do that? I don’t know. This stuff happened 20 odd years ago, and people can change (or so they say), how do you address this kind of thing. How do I explain that no, you will never be left alone with my child brother-in-law, sorry.
Sex education (now I am back to the topic) is key. My kid will know bodily autonomy. No kisses if they don’t want, no forced hugs. No rule that you have to obey anyone bigger than you. They will know what their genetals are and that no one should have access to any part of their body they don’t want.
I think especially for really young kids this kindof sex ed is soo important.
Any other suggestions?
But but but if we teach kids basics about sex at a young age they might not grow up thinking sex is dirty evil and taboo! Also where’s the part where we teach them it’s not okay to do *any* touching (including masturbation) until they’re married to someone on the opposite sex?! Oh noes!11!one!!
/snark
I totally agree. We need to learn the difference between being possession and responsibility. You have a responsibility as the custodians of your children. You do not own them. Thus, abuse, negligence, indoctrination, and keeping them from valuable information about their own bodies should be morally unjustifiable.
word on the street is that there is a new McCain Ad talking about how Obama supported sex education for five year olds. Obama responded calling it a “peversion” on his words and what he actually meant, which is exactly what you are talking about. I haven’t been able to come up with the ad yet even though I’ve looked. I also don’t know if it’s offiically by McCain or someone else.
MzBitca, it is an official ad; here it is on youtube. I saw it this evening and wondered if this post here was related, but I guess it was just a coincidence?
For me, Lemur really summarized it very well. Those feelings about sex/body really stay with people; maybe for their whole life. It is a really uncomfortable topic in my family, because we are all uncomfortable talking about it! Well, at least it wierds me out though I wish it didn’t.
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