Except, there’s no such thing as a “rape fantasy”. It’s an oxymoron. it is impossible to have a fantasy that isn’t entirely under your control.

One can fantasize about a situation like rape – using the same scenarios – but the fantasy is entirely under that person’s control. Nothing happens that they don’t want to happen.

Obviously, this is not so with actual rape.

Ergo, there’s no such thing as a rape fantasy.

The assertion that women do have rape fantasizes comes directly from denialists and appologists. It’s another way of saying “she wanted it”.

I wasn’t trying to play a “which is worse?” game, for the reasons Ashley pointed out. And I never said I’d rather be dead than raped. But I get so incredibly frustrated with people like those who will get a kick out of Rapeman, who think rape is funny. It’s NOT funny, never was and never will be.

My sarcasm got a wee bit overloaded towards the end of my post, and I apologize if I came off too strong. Will try to control my temper tantrums in the future. ;)

I really think whether rape or murder would be worse for an individual is something you can’t make generalizations about, and shouldn’t. For some women, rape is worse. For others, death would be worse. For some, they are glad to be alive but do feel like some aspects of rape are worse than some aspects of murder. We aren’t really in a position to judge other people’s trauma or tell them how to feel about it.

I used to have discussions on this question with large groups of college students, and there was a 50/50 split in the answers. I don’t think there’s a correct answer. It really depends on how hard trauma hits you as an individual, how you relate to your body, and what your views are on the meaning and purpose of life and whatever happens after.

It’s a bit like asking whether it would be “better” to have a loved one die, or to die yourself. Anyone who has lost someone knows that life is still worth living afterwards, but people would give different answers as to which they’d prefer.

Woo, woo, woo–hold on there. Rape is a horrible thing and I’m not into the oppression Olympics by comparing heinous acts and giving them some kind of hierarchy, but every rape victim I’ve known–even those who have been put through the ringer in the justice system–are for the most part glad that they are alive and are survivors. As a woman, if I faced rape or murder, I’d take the rape and get on with life.

I think that saying stuff like murder victims are better off than rape victims merely plays into the patriarchal meme that once “violated” women are “lessened” or “defiled”–like we are broken vessels, objects no other owner wants. We are women and men who live on and though patriarchy and victim blaming abound we can heal, we can be more than just a victim, we can be survivors and fighters. And even if we can’t be fighters, if we can’t deal with the system, we can still strive to heal and to take back positive sexuality for ourselves. We can smell basil in the kitchen window, listen to an aria and be moved, feel grass under our feet and satin on our bodies–life is valuable. I don’t know how or if a rape victim every completely heals, but even in parts, in moments made precious, we live. Peace to those who are departed, but I’m not going to concede death as a better alternative to survival.

Peace

Agreed. I hate the whole, “well, woman X agrees with me” argument–yes, dude, we get it, there are plenty of women who are just ready and raring to work against the women’s rights to please men–guess what, when we’re taught that pleasing men should be our life’s goal, that’s what some women will want to do! It doesn’t mean the crap in question is any less offensive or misogynistic.