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“A dream you dream alone is only a dream; a dream you dream together is reality.” — Yoko Ono
Jan
2
Woman Who “Did Not Want to Have Sex” Arrested for Biting Penis
Filed Under misogyny, patriarchy, rape and sexual assault, violence against women and girls | Posted by Cara |
A man’s penis was in his wife’s mouth for the purpose of oral sex. Which doesn’t sound so unusual. Except that she bit it. Hard. He beat her over the head, and she kept biting. When she finally let go, she punched him. And now she has been arrested and charged with battery.
Why would she do such a thing? Is it because she’s just mentally unbalanced, and used oral sex as an excuse to injure her husband? Possibly. Or maybe she was being raped. That’s what her comments certainly seem to indicate. According to the article, when asked why she would bite her husbands penis, she “told deputies that she bit her husband because she did not want to have sex.”
She was arrested. He was set free, I guess because he was “acting in self-defense” when he punched her. Self-defense is something to which women apparently don’t have a right, especially when we get to just conveniently ignore the question of how the two were “having sex” when she didn’t want to.
Contrary to popular opinion, men do not have permanent sexual access to the bodies of their wives. And it seems that this assumption is integral is the fact that police, and surely many others, jump to the conclusion that she consented to the sex and then bit her husband because she changed her mind and that’s what crazy bitches do.
Sure, it’s possible. But how is it the most logical conclusion, in a world where women have the right to freely say yes and no to sex, and when each person’s free no and yes is the first thing considered when talking about a sexual act? How is it the logical conclusion in a world where enthusiastic consent is the standard, and shoving your dick in your wife’s mouth without checking or caring what she thinks is automatically seen as an act of violence?
The answer is that it’s not. The problem is that we don’t live in that world. And in this one, the woman was arrested as an aggressor and the man was let free as a poor victim who was acting in self defense. In this one, women are punished and considered not really raped unless they fight back tooth and nail, but also punished when they do fight.
In this world, when “it’s his word against hers,” a female accuser has her case routinely dismissed as impossible to prosecute, and a male accuser of a woman is automatically believed. And the key interlocking thread here is that when a man says a woman consented to a sexual act, that word is taken as gospel over the woman’s own. The key thread is that “it’s his word against hers” never means we don’t know the answer; it means that his answer is right.
Yes indeed, in this world, it’s pretty clear that a penis has more rights than a woman.
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“Men, their rights, and nothing more; women, their rights, and nothing less.” — Susan B. Anthony
holy shit, that is fucked up.
The key thread is that “it’s his word against hers” never means we don’t know the answer; it means that his answer is right.
seriously.
on the “bright side” at least she was released a few hours later after her first court appearance, which means someone looked at the case and was like, clearly she can leave. it’s depressing as hell that reading the story i seriously thought there might be a possibility that the charges wouldn’t be dropped right away, because more messed up things have happened, but sometimes you need to take your good news where you can, like in the presence of someone with an ounce of common sense on this woman’s case.
I hope she gets a good divorce attorney.
This was clearly a case of self-defense (unlike some other penis-wounding cases). Sadly, the blockhead officers didn’t buy her story. I really hope that she sues the Daytona Beach PD.
I think he’s lying. Aside from the obvious rape implications here – it says he hit in the head. She’s biting his penis and he hits her head? Doesn’t add up. He’s lying. Or really, really stupid.
I think he is a liar, Betty.
http://volusia.org/sheriff/tips.htm
is the “anonymous crime tips” hotline for that county. I sent them this crime tip:
I have read these two websites regarding a recent crime in your area: http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/breakingNews/oral122308.htm and http://thecurvature.com/2009/01/02/woman-who-did-not-want-to-have-sex-arrested-for-biting-penis/ …these suggest to me that Delou Bowers may have attempted to rape his wife several days before Christmas. As attempting rape is illegal, you may want to be “tipped off” to this crime.
That’s infuriating. Especially where you said “women are punished and considered not really raped unless they fight back tooth and nail, but also punished when they do fight.”
Unbelievable.
It’s all the more reason why I am trying to get the word out about consent on my college campus and to everyone I know.
Because obviously, women can’t do anything right.
Wow.
That’s infuriating. Especially where you said “women are punished and considered not really raped unless they fight back tooth and nail, but also punished when they do fight.”
I agree, Amelia — it is infuriating. This is a classic “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. Women get punished for not protecting themselves from rape and women get punished for defending themselves from their rapist.
Outrageous, if you ask me.
This seems so bizarre on so many levels that I can’t be like the other commentors here.
The relationship between these two people is clearly more fucked up than can be summed up in a short news article. I have to tentatively suspend judgment until I know a lot more about this case and what else happened that night. Was this a woman defending herself against violence? Against coercion? Is he unstable? Is she?
I’m just… dumbfounded, by this.
masochist that I am, I read all 143 comments on the news story. my faith in humanity has just hit rock bottom.
hi did my comment get deleted? I’ve put a lot of thought into it u_u
I’m not recognizing your name off the top of my head, so I don’t know. It depends on what your comment said. If it said something about how women lie about rape all the time or some such other bullshit, yes, it was deleted. If it wasn’t in any way stupid, obnoxious or misogynistic, I’m sorry; I didn’t get it, and please try again. (Of course, if it did happen to be stupid, obnoxious or misogynistic, then please don’t.)
so I see why it has been deleted
ok I’ll try again
I was saying that in a crime of sexual nature the chances of the man getting wrongly accused are higher them woman’s. And there are women in this world who do take advantage of this. If it sounds misogynistic, I am sorry. But it does happen where woman would lie about rape or would use sex to get what she wants. So I find it really odd that in this case the man didn’t get charged with rape. But just like in the comment above from karak, there is just not enough information to say what should have happened.
P.S. Cara if you decide to delete this at least leave a reply
As a resident of the county in question, I am totally not surprised. Good grief.
who was the one to call the police, the wife or the husband?
not enough information? how much do you fucking want? he was raping her orally and she bit, which is a perfectly valid form of self defense and, practically, the only way I can think of to defend yourself against such an assault.
yes, women lie about rape. a tiny minority. what is it, estimated to be 2%? and on top of this rape crisis estimates 3/4 of rapes aren’t reported. and then there’s rapes that ‘aren’t really rape’ when the woman has (shock horror) willingly imbibed alcohol of her own accord, which obviously means if she passes out drunk any passing male can use her as some sort of receptacle (because, you know. she GOT DRUNK. the tart.)
I don’t find it odd he didn’t get charged. any woman who has been on the receiving end of the justice system as a sexual violence victim wouldn’t.
Hm, in cases of vandalism you certainly wouldn’t expect to see someone respond to a party’s attempt to destroy their heirloom by throwing that heirloom at them.
(In a world where rape is routinely compared to theft, it must be just as legitimate to compare biting a penis to vandalism).
Every woman who makes an accusation of rape is called a liar – and even the most extreme MRA stats allege that less than half of rape accusations are false – therefore, more than half of the women are wrongly accused, while less than half of the men are. Sorry.
And goodbye, Ikera. Last comment deleted, better luck not getting banned next time.
So sad *shakes head*
And they say feminism is outdated these days…
If he put it in her mouth when against her wishes than she has the right to bite it off. She said no..
[...] And the woman who defended herself is scolded and dismissed as overreacting, going to far, and being a crazy, vengeful bitch. The man, oh, he was wrong of course. But the woman — why the woman, she should have [...]