Comments on: Hospital Visitation Rights as Human Rights http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/ Sat, 28 Apr 2012 20:40:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: theLP family http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-11325 theLP family Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:43:51 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-11325 Also let me add, that there is a way to name someone, anyone as your medical surrogate.. some are called durable powers of attorneys, other's health care proxy, but have them done by an actual attorney in your state of residence.. not where you will be going. That way you know they are legal and enforceable. We had those and they were given to the hospital but unfortunately they chose to ignore that Lisa had chosen me to make all decision and speak on her behalf in the even of incapacitation. You can name a neighbor, sister, unmarried spouse - whoever you want and even a back up incase the first person can't be reach.. it' means a tough discussion you need those people to know all your wishes about life support, organ donation - it will be attached to the document, but still please talk about it and get your documents done. We had everything done right and that is why when the hospital ignored me for 7 months when all i asked for was an apology, I went to LAMBDA legal. Thank you all peace jan Also let me add, that there is a way to name someone, anyone as your medical surrogate.. some are called durable powers of attorneys, other’s health care proxy, but have them done by an actual attorney in your state of residence.. not where you will be going. That way you know they are legal and enforceable. We had those and they were given to the hospital but unfortunately they chose to ignore that Lisa had chosen me to make all decision and speak on her behalf in the even of incapacitation. You can name a neighbor, sister, unmarried spouse – whoever you want and even a back up incase the first person can’t be reach.. it’ means a tough discussion you need those people to know all your wishes about life support, organ donation – it will be attached to the document, but still please talk about it and get your documents done. We had everything done right and that is why when the hospital ignored me for 7 months when all i asked for was an apology, I went to LAMBDA legal. Thank you all
peace
jan

]]> By: theLP family http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-11324 theLP family Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:39:24 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-11324 Cara and others, thank you for reading our family's story - and helping to make a difference. I'm the Janice from this story our blog is www.theLPkids.com - I am humbled to see that even 2 years after lisa's death people are keeping the discussion going.. this is NOT about gay rights but HUMAN rights. Lisa died alone, plain and simple and I hurt every day that I failed her. We were together 18yrs. Tonight, thanks to LAMBDA legal who took on our case, they brought together Jerry who received Lisa's heart in organ donation and our family at a function. It was so amazing and gives me so much hope.. lisa is living on in him and he looks wonderful and he is the perfect keeper of her heart read about what a saint lisa was, how the kids are.. and follow the suit as it winds it ways through our justice system at our blog www.theLPkids.com Cara and others, thank you for reading our family’s story – and helping to make a difference.

I’m the Janice from this story our blog is http://www.theLPkids.com – I am humbled to see that even 2 years after lisa’s death people are keeping the discussion going.. this is NOT about gay rights but HUMAN rights. Lisa died alone, plain and simple and I hurt every day that I failed her. We were together 18yrs.

Tonight, thanks to LAMBDA legal who took on our case, they brought together Jerry who received Lisa’s heart in organ donation and our family at a function. It was so amazing and gives me so much hope.. lisa is living on in him and he looks wonderful and he is the perfect keeper of her heart

read about what a saint lisa was, how the kids are.. and follow the suit as it winds it ways through our justice system at our blog http://www.theLPkids.com

]]> By: Janice http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-11321 Janice Sun, 29 Mar 2009 06:26:34 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-11321 I will add one more comment. There IS a way to name WHOEVER you want an unmarried hetero partner, a neighbor, you sister as your medical surrogate - have an attorney draw it up in your state. don't do it by a computer program - then it's good in all states if it's legal in yours and WE HAD THIS.. and I PROVIDED it to the hospital.. it said in the even that LISA could not make medical decision I WAS HER MEDICAL SURROGATE and they ignored it. We had done it all right, but somehow on that fateful day, I had the most insensitive people come in contact the children and I. So I speak out b/c I don't want it to happen to anyone else - no matter how you define your family! I will add one more comment. There IS a way to name WHOEVER you want an unmarried hetero partner, a neighbor, you sister as your medical surrogate – have an attorney draw it up in your state. don’t do it by a computer program – then it’s good in all states if it’s legal in yours and WE HAD THIS.. and I PROVIDED it to the hospital.. it said in the even that LISA could not make medical decision I WAS HER MEDICAL SURROGATE and they ignored it. We had done it all right, but somehow on that fateful day, I had the most insensitive people come in contact the children and I. So I speak out b/c I don’t want it to happen to anyone else – no matter how you define your family!

]]> By: Ken http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-11082 Ken Sun, 15 Mar 2009 06:37:16 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-11082 How would this effect people, who are not couples, but have very close friends who will stand by or sit by them when they need it most, when they are sick or dying? How would this effect people, who are not couples, but have very close friends who will stand by or sit by them when they need it most, when they are sick or dying?

]]> By: jaol http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10864 jaol Sat, 07 Mar 2009 09:24:45 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10864 <i>They are not moral bastions and doctors are not gods, as you say.</i> I agree that doctors are not gods, but I'd bet dollars to donuts the doctors did not make the decision to bar the woman from the room. 99% of the time, this stuff is decided by hospital bureaucrats and CEOs and is handed down by fiat. Doctors are usually teh last people to know who is and who is not allowed access to a patient. Nursing supervisors control visitor access the vast majority of the time, not doctors. They are not moral bastions and doctors are not gods, as you say.

I agree that doctors are not gods, but I’d bet dollars to donuts the doctors did not make the decision to bar the woman from the room.

99% of the time, this stuff is decided by hospital bureaucrats and CEOs and is handed down by fiat. Doctors are usually teh last people to know who is and who is not allowed access to a patient. Nursing supervisors control visitor access the vast majority of the time, not doctors.

]]> By: lizvelrene http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10846 lizvelrene Fri, 06 Mar 2009 15:53:32 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10846 This makes me worry too, about unmarried partners of all kinds. If I were dying, I would want my partner (who is opposite sex but not my husband) there over anyone else, including my parents. The privileging of marriage over everything else including an individual's own wishes has to stop. I agree strongly that marriage rights should be extended towards gay couples and their children, but at the same time we're reinforcing this tendency to force traditional marriage as the end-all goal. We should be able to declare as a part of our health proxy statements who should have visitation rights, whether that's our lovers, our grandmothers or our best friends. I suddenly want to know what the policy is for the hospitals in my area and I don't know how to find out. And is there somewhere we can complain about this terrible case? This makes me worry too, about unmarried partners of all kinds. If I were dying, I would want my partner (who is opposite sex but not my husband) there over anyone else, including my parents. The privileging of marriage over everything else including an individual’s own wishes has to stop. I agree strongly that marriage rights should be extended towards gay couples and their children, but at the same time we’re reinforcing this tendency to force traditional marriage as the end-all goal. We should be able to declare as a part of our health proxy statements who should have visitation rights, whether that’s our lovers, our grandmothers or our best friends.

I suddenly want to know what the policy is for the hospitals in my area and I don’t know how to find out. And is there somewhere we can complain about this terrible case?

]]> By: karak http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10842 karak Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:01:41 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10842 I wish we could make a next-of-kin law, where I could just declare so-and-so has the power of attorney without having to marry them or be of relation to them. The fact that spouses and children are being left out makes a poignant case for gay marriage, but, frankly, I think we should get to choose who is with us in our dying moments without having to buy into any institutions of marriage and family unless we actually WANT to. And if we WANT to, no one should deny us. As for those attorneys-- I wonder if they've ever spent hours in the ICU, biting their nails and watching the machines beep, or waited for a call at home, or laid in a bed sick and counting ceiling tiles and wishing that anyone was there with you in case this was your last moments. I hope they get a taste of what it's like to be sick or dying and alone. I wish we could make a next-of-kin law, where I could just declare so-and-so has the power of attorney without having to marry them or be of relation to them. The fact that spouses and children are being left out makes a poignant case for gay marriage, but, frankly, I think we should get to choose who is with us in our dying moments without having to buy into any institutions of marriage and family unless we actually WANT to.

And if we WANT to, no one should deny us.

As for those attorneys– I wonder if they’ve ever spent hours in the ICU, biting their nails and watching the machines beep, or waited for a call at home, or laid in a bed sick and counting ceiling tiles and wishing that anyone was there with you in case this was your last moments. I hope they get a taste of what it’s like to be sick or dying and alone.

]]> By: SunlessNick http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10841 SunlessNick Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:17:46 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10841 <blockquote>I think, as one naturally does, difficult though it may be, of this happening to me. I think of my husband being gravely ill and/or dying, and not being able to be with him. I think of the horror of not knowing what was happening to him, and of not being able to tell him I love him and say goodbye one final time. I think also of being the person who is ill and/or dying, and how terrifying and isolating it would feel to be left alone and without my husband.</blockquote>And I hate the fact that the public narrative has reduced this to an even level with people who simply get heebie-jeebies at the idea of the "wrong" two people that they'll never meet being given that recognition. Like those two things are <em>ever</em> going be on the same plane of entitlement.

I think, as one naturally does, difficult though it may be, of this happening to me. I think of my husband being gravely ill and/or dying, and not being able to be with him. I think of the horror of not knowing what was happening to him, and of not being able to tell him I love him and say goodbye one final time.

I think also of being the person who is ill and/or dying, and how terrifying and isolating it would feel to be left alone and without my husband.

And I hate the fact that the public narrative has reduced this to an even level with people who simply get heebie-jeebies at the idea of the “wrong” two people that they’ll never meet being given that recognition. Like those two things are ever going be on the same plane of entitlement.

]]> By: OuyangDan http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10837 OuyangDan Fri, 06 Mar 2009 04:29:05 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10837 <i>No one deserves less dignity than I do just because I have a marriage license.</i> Oh, Goddess that sums it up right there. Marriage does not make anything more or less valid. Like you, Cara, it is too easy to think of this scenario personally. W/ fibro I am getting medical care all the time, and it is always scary or painful or both. My husband is always there, and was long before we got married this past summer (which we wouldn't have, if the military hadn't forced our hand w/ his orders overseas, b/c we just didn't feel the need). I can not imagine being alone going through just what I go through, let alone being scared and dying. Seriously, my heart just broke, and I hope that Langbehn wins this case. This is what hate does, it ruins and tears apart people's lives. *sobs* No one deserves less dignity than I do just because I have a marriage license.

Oh, Goddess that sums it up right there. Marriage does not make anything more or less valid.

Like you, Cara, it is too easy to think of this scenario personally. W/ fibro I am getting medical care all the time, and it is always scary or painful or both. My husband is always there, and was long before we got married this past summer (which we wouldn’t have, if the military hadn’t forced our hand w/ his orders overseas, b/c we just didn’t feel the need). I can not imagine being alone going through just what I go through, let alone being scared and dying.

Seriously, my heart just broke, and I hope that Langbehn wins this case. This is what hate does, it ruins and tears apart people’s lives.

*sobs*

]]> By: alexandra http://thecurvature.com/2009/03/05/hospital-visitation-rights-as-human-rights/#comment-10836 alexandra Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:54:02 +0000 http://thecurvature.com/?p=4214#comment-10836 This actually happened at the hematology oncology clinic where I used to work. We got a new patient who was in a coma; his partner of lie, 20 years wasn't allowed to see him due to his homophobic nephew, who was his next of kin. it was a really horrible situation. however, none of this was the doctor's choice: everyone was really touched and saddened by the situation. HIPPA kind of stops them from taking action to help the patient, as does the threat of a lawsuit. This actually happened at the hematology oncology clinic where I used to work. We got a new patient who was in a coma; his partner of lie, 20 years wasn’t allowed to see him due to his homophobic nephew, who was his next of kin. it was a really horrible situation. however, none of this was the doctor’s choice: everyone was really touched and saddened by the situation. HIPPA kind of stops them from taking action to help the patient, as does the threat of a lawsuit.

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