Comments on: Blogging Against Disablism Day: On Depression

By: Dolorosa

Dolorosa — Wed, 27 May 2009 15:08:13 +0000

I searched all morning for a blog that related to how I’m feeling today and yours was the only one that came close. I lashed out at a coworker last Saturday after so many frustrating meetings with him and my managers in trying to get equal breaks and fair treatment at work.
Even though we have the same job title and get the same pay, I am pretty much tied to a desk while he goes off on his own, without accountability to anyone. Today, after my two days off, my boss chewed us both out, telling us that it can’t happen again, we will be written up and possibly be looking for new jobs if we put our managers through such trouble. I told my boss, privately, that I was seeking help for my anger issues and he said he knew…I had mentioned it to my managers, to let them know that it was a challenge for me to express myself and that is why I sometimes waited too long and then exploded. He told me my managers tried to get me equal breaks and variety on my job and I told him that this was not true, or at least not communicated to ME. He told me that was “garbage” like what I was saying was completely invalidated. I feel like shit, I feel ashamed, I feel sorry for yelling at a coworker, yet I also feel a victory, for an email was sent to supervisors about how dispatchers (my position) will now be accountable to supervisors and will report whereabouts and commit to time frames. This will help me get my equal breaks and make my coworker accountable, which was my goal. For a while I could not even ask him to help me or break me without him putting up a fight. The effort involved in getting equality was so frustrating that I could not help but explode. I tried strategies suggested by my boss but it was too late for me…by the time I could get my coworker in an office to speak with him I had gone from zero to sixty and ended up yelling louder than I had realized.
I do suffer from depression, anxiety and I have anger management issues.
I take my medication regularly, I go to a LCSW at least twice a month now, through my Employee Assistance Program. I try to walk and get outside at home and work. I don’t drink alcohol. I have degrees in Fine Art, Theater Arts, and certificates in Computer Applications and a preliminary teaching certificate, but all of this education is always trumped by the difficulty I have with my emotions, and I either quit or am asked to leave once things get difficult at work. I attempted to apply for SSI after so many failures, thinking it would be better to give up, but I was hired for a teaching job before my application process was complete, so I figured I’ll keep working since someone thinks I can.
My mother and brother are bipolar. Both have had sketchy work histories and my brother just can’t work at all anymore. My mother always warned me about telling others about mental illness, as it was something that others would use to cheat and exploit you with, so I kept it quiet, regarding my family and myself, once I was diagnosed (in my 30’s).

This is getting long and off the point, so I want to say I have mixed feelings about disclosing my emotional issues and diagnosis but I feel I have to reveal myself in order to begin standing up for myself and that it is a process I will get better at. I’ve failed so many times, I’m not scared about doing it again, since I know I will survive.

By: AStevens

AStevens — Sat, 16 May 2009 10:50:18 +0000

Thank you for this blog post. I understand where you are coming from and am interested in changing the way depression, as well as other mental illnesses, are perceived.
Thank you for your courage.

By: Andrea S.

Andrea S. — Sat, 09 May 2009 15:06:33 +0000

Thank you for sharing this. As someone with attention deficit disorder, I see certain parallels in how other people respond. Sometimes even people who *know* about my diagnosis label choose to interpret my difficulties in doing certain things as “laziness” that I should be able to overcome just by exerting my will (similar to the idea of “snap out of it”). They don’t seem to grasp that if it was as easy as exerting a little will, or even a lot of it, then I would have done it as a little girl, I would have done it as a teen, I would have done it in my 20s and 30s and now. And then I wouldn’t have ended up with the diagnosis of ADHD (age 26) because there would have been no symptoms to diagnose.

In addition to having ADHD, I’m also deaf and have a mild foot problem that means I cannot run or jump and need to be careful how much weight I carry at one time and how far (or else the foot will be re-injured). Is depression a disability? I think by at least some definitions it could be. Certainly there is a community of people with various mental health labels who choose to refer to themselves as people with psycho-social disabilities. (eg, World Network of Users and Survivors of Psychiatry). But however one defines “disability,” much of the stigmatization and misunderstanding is the same. (And any definition of “disability” that only emphasizes physical aspects or that assumes a person has to be totally helpless and dependent in every sphere of existence before they “deserve” the label “disabled” is in my mind far too narrow and may actually be itself a reaction to disablist assumptions.)

By: NTE

NTE — Mon, 04 May 2009 19:06:34 +0000

Is the prejudice against mental illness as common as depression a form of ableism?

Absolutely.

And good for you for recognizing it, and its role in your life.

And for having the courage to post this, knowing what you know about that prejudice.

By: Femmostroppo Reader - May 4, 2009 — Hoyden About Town

Femmostroppo Reader - May 4, 2009 — Hoyden About Town — Sun, 03 May 2009 23:00:11 +0000

[...] Blogging Against Disablism Day: On Depression [...]

By: helena

helena — Sun, 03 May 2009 17:07:23 +0000

Thanks for posting this. I recognise many things you write about, I have been living with depression for years and been discriminated too.

I’m also glad to see that there are so many bloggers with mental illness contributing to BADD this year.

By: JaneB

JaneB — Sat, 02 May 2009 23:37:05 +0000

Hi,

Thanks for this post. It resonates with my own post for BADD, and it’s always helpful to read such an articulate description of feelings and experiences like my own.

By: Becky

Becky — Sat, 02 May 2009 21:40:07 +0000

I’ve always been pretty open about my depression, but it’s only recently that I’ve started referring to it (even to myself) as a mental illness. Which is definitely because of the stigma.

My uncle suffered from it very, very badly, and he became a much more pleasant person when he started taking prozac just because the rage didn’t run through him the way it had.

Yeah, my mom too. Me too, to a lesser extent. My sister could probably benefit from medication too, but because unlike my mom and me she only has the rage and no other symptoms of depression, she doesn’t consider herself depressed and isn’t motivated to seek treatment.

By: Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2009-05-02

Being Amber Rhea » Blog Archive » links for 2009-05-02 — Sat, 02 May 2009 12:30:42 +0000

[...] Blogging Against Disablism Day: On Depression : The Curvature "I’ve never mentioned this here before, though you may have seen me mentioning it in passing on other blogs or on Twitter, despite the fact that it would have been exceedingly relevant to do so on more than one occasion. The answer is simple: I’ve seen the reactions to it. I’ve seen that daring to confess any sort of mental illness and/or instability can be used against you, especially in the blogging world where credibility is regularly attacked, and where women are often called irrational just for having an opinion. And that people with anything short of 'normal' mental health are often called irrational just by existing." (tags: depression mentalhealth) [...]

By: amandaw

amandaw — Sat, 02 May 2009 10:14:47 +0000

I think what I love most about this post is it’s a lot of what I’ve been thinking about for the past several days, but wasn’t able to write.

Whether or not any specific person IDs as having a disability (and again, not everyone does, for totally legit reasons), the prejudice and stigma against mental illness is unquestionably ableism at work. And it’s bullshit.

It’s way too early in the morning to offer anything deeper than that, but I wanted to extend my thanks again. Keep on fightin’. :)