But he still did it those four times. He even ignored my responses the other times. He admits that he even knew it was wrong and that I wouldn’t like it. And did it anyway.

I try not to think too much about how he might have done it more than four times. That there may have been times when I did not wake up.

Thank you for drawing attention to sleep assaults. There is almost nothing in Google, except for Marcella Chester’s abyss2hope write-up on me from last week.

How can having sex with someone who is asleep, when they were asleep to start off with be a “gross error of judgement”, what was it? One snore for yes and two snores for no??

@NoLongSilent, you are spot on when you say “He thought that he could rape her without getting caught.” – that’s exactly it. That was his error of judgment, that he thought he could rape with impunity, surely?

I suppose if to get rape treated the same as any other crime, we have to accept that there can be mitigating circumstances and we also have to accept that one crime does not make an out-and-out villain. Fair enough. But I think it’s the case that he knew he was committing a crime on the base line, but without the aggravating factors of violence or coercion. These considerations should be purely for the sentencing stage. Was a crime committed – yes or no? Yes. Then ask how serious it was. It’s like people lose the ability to think logically with rape because these two steps get mixed up. And really it’s the fact that consent, and indeed belief in consent, is a defence. But it has to be “reasonable” belief doesn’t it?!

“Misread the situation” indeed.

“Lord Brailsford told Byars that he had admitted “a very serious matter” but had shown remorse and had saved the victim giving evidence by pleading guilty.”

Really? He “saved” her giving evidence that she never should have had to give in the first place? I’m sure her testimony wouldn’t have put him in a bad light or anything. Good thing this guy is so generous and altruistic.

I don’t think her not speaking in court is such a big gift that it cancels out a rape, but apparently some people do.

Which is the flip side of the impression they’re trying to create: what they want is the idea that, as Cara said, it’s just an unfortunate choice, like it was bad luck for him that he committed rape, and thus kinda understandable, hell he’s all but the real victim here; but they can’t do that without claiming that any man could “be so unlucky.” Like the serial rapist, or serial killer, who says everyone’s really like them deep down – this guy is no different from that – the only difference is in how many men find comfort in the idea that it might be true.

And so I live my life sleep-deprived and scared whenever I stay at a friends or go to a party or do anything that involves me being asleep round a male, because I am scared of things like this happening and then the bastard going ‘wasn’t my fault, I misread your signals!’

I hate the world.

I recently read this short article in the mX, a free Austalian newspaper that is handed out at Central Station, and it has to do with the Polanski case.

“Call for sex case closure

The victim in the Roman Polanski sex case has filed a court motion calling for charges against the film director to be dismissed.
Lawyers for Samantha Geimer, who was 13 when Polansi had sex with her in 1977, said Geimer had suffered health problems after being hounded by media since Polanski’s arrest in Switzerland last month.
She now lives in Hawaii with her husband and children.
“Between Samantha and her counsel, they have recieved close to 500 telephone calls from media around the world seeking a comment.” the filed motion read.”

I was disgusted at how they used the word “sex” as though it was just that, sex. I want to write to them and tell them that this upset me very much but I don’t know how to phrase it. Can you please help me with this?

-Gemma Lee