Dec

2

13-Year-Old Girl Commits Suicide After Classmates Spread Nude Photos

Filed Under education and schools, media, misogyny, objectification, patriarchy, sex and sexuality, sexual exploitation and harassment, slut-shaming, violence against women and girls | 61 Comments

Trigger Warning for discussions of suicide, descriptions of non-consensual sexual conduct, victim-blaming and slut-shaming

The Tampa Bay St. Petersburg Times has printed the truly gut-wrenching, tragic story of a 13-year-old girl named Hope Witsell, who committed suicide after a photograph of her breasts, which she sent to a boy’s cell phone, was forwarded all over the school.

At the end of the school year at Beth Shields Middle School, the taunting became so bad that Hope Witsell’s friends surrounded her between classes. They escorted her down hallways like human shields, fending off insults such as “whore” and “slut.” A few days before, Hope had forwarded a nude photo of herself to a boy she liked — a practice widely known as “sexting.” The image found its way to other students, who forwarded it to their friends. Soon the nude photo was circulating through cell phones at Shields Middle and Lennard High School, according to multiple students at both schools. …  School authorities learned of the nude photo around the end of the school year and suspended Hope for the first week of eighth grade, which started in August. About two weeks after she returned to school, a counselor observed cuts on Hope’s legs and had her sign a “no-harm” contract, in which Hope agreed to tell an adult if she felt inclined to hurt herself, her family says. The next day, Hope hanged herself in her bedroom. She was 13.

Her death is the second in the nation in which a connection between sexting and teen suicide can clearly be drawn.

I recommend that you go read the full article, because despite the many problems with it, there is a lot of information there, some of which I will not have the time to discuss here.

As Veronica Arreola said on her Twitter, while the media insists on calling this a “sexting-related suicide,” it’s much more accurately referred to as a “slut-shaming suicide.” Because the photograph she sent is not what drove this poor girl to kill herself — the non-consensual spreading of the photograph, and the subsequent reaction that her classmates and all adults in positions of authority had to it seems to absolutely have been what drove her to despair. And that is a truly vital distinction to make if we actually care about the fact that a 13-year-old girl is dead, and why.

Read more

Nov

13

Support Sex-Positive Sex Education

Filed Under action alert, education and schools, feminism, sex and sexuality | 1 Comment

support scarleteenScarleteen is, in my view, the absolute best sex education website out there. And while I can’t claim to be entirely impartial about that assessment — I know Heather, Scarleteen’s founder, and also received a free sex education training through the site this summer — I can say that it’s an assessment I’ve held since long before I had any room for bias.

And right now, Scarleteen needs your help with their fundraising drive. You can read the full letter here, if you wish to learn about all of the things that the site has done this year, and what they plan on doing next year. But the part I want to highlight is this:

What you might not know is that Scarleteen is the highest ranked online young adult sexuality resource but also the least funded and that the youth who need us most are also the least able to donate. You might not know that we have done all we have with a budget lower than the median annual household income in the U.S. You might not know we have provided the services we have to millions without any federal, state or local funding and that we are fully independent media which depends on public support to survive and grow.

With all that Scarleteen does, they deserve a lot more.

What exactly Scarleteen does is not just provide comprehensive sex education, but provide honest, scientifically-sound, non-judgmental, sex-positive, and explicitly feminist sex education. They don’t just talk condoms and STDs — they talk sexual orientation, gender identity, relationships, sexism and double standards, abuse, masturbation, pleasure, and more. They don’t just talk about heterosexual intercourse, but about all sex acts as being equally valid and not existing in an arbitrary hierarchy of importance. And probably most importantly of all to me, they don’t just talk about sex — they include and emphasize in every single discussion of sex the importance and necessity of mutual, affirmative, and enthusiastic consent.

Those of you familiar with my writing will know that sex education is a subject that I feel very, very passionately about. You’ll also know that my standards for sex education are set a good deal higher than the standards we normally see stated in arguments favoring the bare bones of what can be considered comprehensive sex education. Scarleteen lives up to my ideal model over and over and over again. And that is something I’ve found to be very rare.

If Scarleteen is also a site near and dear to your heart, if my gushing has swayed you at all, if sex education is a subject of importance to you, or if you believe in investing in teenagers and young adults so that they become well-rounded, sexually healthy people, I urge you to make the largest gift you can:

  • To donate to Scarleteen by credit card, online check or via a PayPal account: click here and choose the button at the top of that page for the donation amount and style you prefer.
  • To donate by check or money order directly to Scarleteen: make checks payable to Scarleteen and send to: Scarleteen, 1752 NW Market Street #627, Seattle, WA, 98107.
  • If you would like your donation to be tax-deductible: you can donate by check or money order through The Center for Sex and Culture, a fiscal sponsor of Scarleteen online here. To mail a tax-deductible donation, make your check out to The Center for Sex and Culture, writing “For Scarleteen” in the memo. Mail that to: The Center for Sex and Culture, c/o Carol Queen, 2215-R Market Street PMB 455, San Francisco, CA, 94114. They will send a written acknowledgment of your donation to you for tax purposes, and will send us donations made to them on our behalf after deducting a very reasonable percentage.
  • However you choose to donate, if you want to be listed as a donor on our site, please send us an email to let us know how you’d like to be acknowledged.

And if you can’t donate — and looking at the extraordinary vet bill I paid this morning, I couldn’t possibly get that more — do your part to spread the word about an organization that we absolutely need to see continue and thrive.

cross-posted at Feministe

May

18

On Gender and Sexual Insults

Filed Under assholes, gender, misogyny, patriarchy, sex and sexuality, sexism, slut-shaming | 18 Comments

Yesterday, a piece by India Knight about the breakup of Katie Price and Peter Andre appeared in the Times Online (h/t Gauntlet).  It seems that these two are reality television stars in the UK.  I’ve never heard of them before in my life.  So let’s just get it out of the way that I have absolutely no dog whatsoever in that fight.

The argument in the article revolves around Price’s reported and repeated insults regarding Andre’s penis size and sexual prowess.  And if what is reported here is true, I agree that she certainly is an absolute, major asshole:

Having dissed on record everyone she’s ever gone to bed with, she even used an insult to reel Andre in. The pair met in 2004 on I’m a Celebrity. . . Get Me Out of Here!, the reality show on which C-listers are humiliated in grotesque fashion – bug-eating and so on – for viewers’ pleasure. Andre was a rabbit caught in Price’s headlights. She liked him, too, so she looked in his shorts and told him he had a tiny penis.

They eventually got married, even though she kept on telling him – and a million or so viewers every week – that he still had a tiny penis. I don’t mean once or twice – I mean repeatedly, for years on end. Recently, on The Graham Norton Show, following a complaint from Andre about infrequent sex, Price said he took “too long” (45 minutes, since you ask), and on a recent episode of their reality show she repeatedly trotted out her favourite line about her husband’s “acorn”. He dumped her shortly afterwards, although it is still unclear whether the dumpage will lead to divorce or to a lavishly remunerated reconciliation via the pages of OK! magazine.

My problem isn’t with Knight sympathizing with Andre, in the least.  In fact, it does indeed sound like he deserves some sympathy.

My problem is with the conclusions that Knight draws about men in general and women in general (who are all assumed to be heterosexual), and how they relate to one another in romantic relationships and in the aftermath of breakups.

Read more

May

15

Abstinence Counselor Charged With Sexual Assault of Student

Filed Under education and schools, misogyny, objectification, paternalism, patriarchy, rape and sexual assault, reproductive justice, sex and sexuality, violence against women and girls | 6 Comments

A man who counsels teens on how to remain sexually abstinent has been arrested and charged with sexual assault (from further descriptions, seemingly rape) of one of his “students”:

The girl told officers that Hoheb sexually assaulted her in his car in the parking lot of a Trumbull gym where he had stopped while driving her home in March.

In an interview with police detectives, Hoheb allegedly said he had been counseling teenage girls, including the victim, on how to say “no” to sexual advances from adults.

“I wanted the girls to understand that no matter who it may be; the pastor, another adviser or myself, they should not be afraid to use the word no,” police said Hoheb told them.

Hoheb also allegedly told police the girl had expressed interest in him, but he was determined to “nip it in the bud.” Although Hoheb initially denied having sexual contact with the girl, police said he later admitted having sexual relations with her in his car.

I learned of this story through Thomas, who argues that the rape in this case is consistent with the teachings of the abstinence counselor, as both abstinence-only teachings and sexual assault work off of a model where sex is seen as a commodity and female bodies are treated as sexual property.  I don’t disagree with him.

I want to take it a step further though and more closely discuss the counselor’s rather transparent excuse that he was attempting to teach the girl how to say “no.”  Yes, it’s an excuse, quite clearly, for how he was not really responsible for his actions because he was role playing, and she just misunderstood.  It is, in many ways, a variation on an old standard.

But in other ways, I think, it points to another aspect of rape culture that goes beyond just the apologism of “rape is often a misunderstanding.”  It points to the aspect where it is seen as the responsibility of women to say “no.”

Read more

May

11

Northern Territory Legislates Consensual Teen Sex

Filed Under Australia, International, assholes, bigotry, discrimination, human rights, legislation, race and racism, rape and sexual assault, reproductive justice, sex and sexuality, violence against women and girls, women’s health | 6 Comments

Via Queen Emily comes this story out of the Northern Territory, Australia.  The government has decided to enact a law that forces anyone — from doctors to parents — to report any any sexual activity taking place among those who are under the age of 16. Because that sex is always illegal.  Regardless of consent.  Emphasis mine:

The Northern Territory Government says its Care and Protection of Children Act is all about keeping kids safe.

But the AMA is warning the act’s mandatory reporting requirements go too far and Dr Paul Bauert from the AMA’s Northern Territory branch is deeply concerned.

Until now, NT laws were similar to what operates in the other states; it was mandatory to report suspected child sexual abuse.

But now health workers must report sexual activity among under-16s to a team that includes police and staff in the Territory’s department of health and families.

Failure to do so could result in a fine of up to around $20,000. And it is not just doctors who will have to report.

“This applies to everybody,” Dr Bauert said. “Parents, brothers and sisters, mates.”

The legislation has been in place for months but it was only late last week that the Northern Territory Health Department told staff to comply.

They were told to report anyone under 16 who is sexually active, even if that person’s sexual partner is also under 16 or of the same age, and regardless of consent.

“Any person who has sexual intercourse with someone under the age of 16 is guilty of a crime and liable to imprisonment for 16 years,” Dr Bauert said.

Yes, you read all of that correctly.  Teenagers who have sex with each other are now facing potential imprisonment of up to 16 years.  The thing is, we’re not even talking about where statutory rape laws ought to draw the line, and whether or not there should be “Romeo and Juliet” clauses, etc.

No, we’re talking about the possibility of two consenting 15-year-olds facing jail time for “raping” each other.  Way to trivialize actual fucking rape.  And we’re talking about parents facing huge fines if they know about that sexual activity and don’t report their own children.  And we’re talking doctors who can’t give out factual and needed sexual health care without having to report their patients to the police.

Read more

May

9

Unfinished and Random Thoughts on the Politics of Female Anatomy

Filed Under misogyny, patriarchy, sex and sexuality, sexism, women’s health | 29 Comments

I don’t remember the first time I heard the word “clitoris,” but I do know that the first time I heard it and it registered with me was sometime when I was in my early teens.  I didn’t know what it was.  Once I figured out that it was a part on a woman that gave her sexual pleasure, I was pretty sure that I knew where it was.

But I quickly realized that I must be wrong.  Because the only time I ever saw people talk about the clitoris was male comedians joking about how hard it was to find.  And that thing I thought was the clitoris, well it was pretty damn obvious.  I figured that my clitoris had to be something else, and sadly wondered when, if ever, I would manage to find it.  (Or, more accurately, when a man would find it for me.)

In my mid-teens, I remember watching that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry has a girlfriend whose name he can’t remember, but he knows it rhymes with the name of a female body part.  I didn’t get it when he finally realized that her name was “Dolores” because I didn’t realize that the word clitoris had more than one pronunciation.  And I sure as hell didn’t get it when he more ludicrously guessed “Mulva,” because I had still never heard the word “vulva.”  I gamely laughed along, but I felt ignorant about my own body, and you know, I was.

It wasn’t until I finally saw a diagram of female genitals in my late teens that I realized I was right about where the clitoris was after all, though for a while I still questioned if maybe it was around there somewhere only more difficult to find.  It wasn’t until I was closer to 20, and only then because I became interested in reading about sexuality and actively sought out information, that I learned the word “vulva” and what it meant.

Read more

Apr

10

In Which I Refuse to Put the “Sex Ed War” to Rest

Filed Under education and schools, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, violence against women and girls, women’s health | 21 Comments

A few weeks back, my friend KaeLyn sent me this article from Time called “How to Bring An End to the War Over Sex Ed,” and because I’m always behind on my emails, I just finally got around to reading it.

Now, you all know that Time Magazine is not my friend.  But, this article is for the most part pretty good.  After all, they do come down on the side of comprehensive sex education — even if they do have to dress it up in pretty language that makes it look like they are actually offering equal admonishments of comprehensive sex ed advocates and favoring something far closer to a compromise.

But, consistently unsatisfied and Time-hating harpy that I am, I unsurprisingly found something to get upset about.  The Impact program they profile is certainly better than most sex education programs I’ve come across.  But first of all, I’m unconvinced that we should be throwing our full and unmitigated support behind a program that uses a slogan like SELF-RESPECT: THE ULTIMATE CONTRACEPTIVE; I’m not 100% sure what that’s getting at, but my most educated guess leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth.

And secondly, there is this little, seemingly innocuous tidbit.

The program gives students escalating levels of information about STIs, pregnancy and contraception. But it also encourages them to delay sexual activity, works on building self-esteem and uses role-playing to teach them how to resist pressure from peers and partners.

Sigh.  Okay.  Here’s the thing:

As I argued in my essay in Yes Means Yes, I believe that I personally, and by extension most likely many other teenagers as well, could have indeed benefited from very frank and realistic talk about pressure to engage in sexual activity.  Indeed,  it’s because I believe this so strongly that I get really, incredibly angry when I see people fucking it up.

Because this was not what I had in mind.  This does, in fact, from the brief description, sound like more abstinence-only bullshit.  It sounds like teaching teens avoidance and escape techniques.  Which, while on some small level may be useful, won’t solve the wider problem.

What I had in mind was teaching boys and girls, potential victims and potential perpetrators, that pressuring someone into sexual activity is wrong.  That coercing someone into sexual activity is assault.  That refusing to listen to a “no” until you finally get a “yes” is not the same as consent.  And that sex without consent is rape.

Read more

Apr

9

Missing the Point on Teen “Sexting” Cases

Filed Under assholes, legislation, misogyny, objectification, paternalism, patriarchy, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, sexism, sexual exploitation and harassment, slut-shaming, violence against women and girls | 46 Comments

You’ve probably seen a lot of media coverage lately around the phenomenon of teenagers sending nude or otherwise sexual pictures of themselves to each other, and the fact that a lot of parents, and more notably law enforcement officials, are really freaking out about it.

It wasn’t so long ago that I wrote about an outrageous case where a 15-year-old was arrested on child pornography charges for taking nude photographs of herself.  But these types of stories have since really taken off; and they’re even calling it “sexting” now, because what would a story about teenagers and sex be without more ways to make it inappropriately tantalizing?

Of course, the media seems to be taking notice not to talk about how girls are being exploited by law enforcement, and often the (usually) boys who they sent the photos to, but about how girls are Teh Slutty for taking pictures of themselves, and how poor boys are being punished for getting caught up in Teh Slutty themselves.  Like here at CNN, and in Thomas’ response to the article at the Yes Means Yes blog:

This article is not perfect, but it makes two really good points: First, that this is wildly and willfully excessive.

Should Phillip be punished? Yes. Should the six teens in Pennsylvania face consequences? Yes. But let’s kick them off cheerleading squads and sports teams. Make them do community service and take classes on sex crimes. Educate other teens on the dangers of sexting. Pay a price, yes, but these young people shouldn’t pay for this for the rest of their lives.

Second, that this ought to be a wake-up call that teen sexuality will develop, and that parents have a responsibility to shape it, which they cannot do by ignoring it

Now, what Thomas does here, again, is not new.  In the original article I wrote about, this issue also came up — the case of a girl taking photos of herself was compared with a case of a boy spreading photos of an ex-girlfriend without her consent.  And, in fact, he’s only agreeing with someone else presenting the problem.  So I could be accused of picking on Thomas here, but this upsets me precisely because I like Thomas, and because he wrote a really intelligent, much longer post on this topic recently.

This most recent post, on the other hand, totally misses the mark.  As Elizabeth says about a different but similar article: “it treats teens sending revealing pictures of themselves and teens sending revealing pictures of others without permission as if they were equivalent acts.”  And they’re fucking not.

Read more

Mar

3

Because What’s the Point of a Woman You Can’t Fuck?

Filed Under misogyny, objectification, sex and sexuality, sex work, sexism | 10 Comments

rolling_stone-logo

From contributing editor Mark Binelli’s otherwise decent Rolling Stone article Motor City Breakdown, about the dying automobile industry in Detroit:

At the show, the traditional rituals are still taking place. If you’ve never been to an auto show, the main ritual involves adults climbing in and out of vehicles they will not be allowed to drive, which always seems deeply unsatisfying. (For related reasons, I’ve never liked strip clubs.)

Well then.

What is with those women being so rude and short-sighted as to not allow Mark Binelli to fuck them?  I mean, they’re on display — like cars, so . . .

Just about every two issues, I find myself writing a letter, which always goes unpublished, castigating Rolling Stone for claiming to be so incredibly progressive while failing to reflect said values when it comes to many marginalized and oppressed groups.  Usually these letters are about the magazine’s regular unabashed sexism — though I’ve also written in letters about Matt Taibbi’s favorite insult “cocksucker,” and most recently I wrote in with regards to the decision to use the slur “tranny” to refer to transgender Real World cast member Katelynn.

This time, I’m not even sure what to say.  But considering the fact that in the same issue, the entirety of what they had to print on Chris Brown assaulting Rihanna was 200 words about how Brown can revive his career (seriously), it’s pretty damn much “fuck you guys, you can take that $11 40 year subscription I’ve been going off of forever and shove it up your asses, because I can surely find less insulting ways than this to read the latest tiny piece of Beatles-related news and see random photographs of Sir Paul.”

If you’ve got something better, send it to letters@rollingstone.com.

Feb

24

Hundreds of Adult Sex Workers Arrested in “Child Prostitution” Stings

Filed Under class and economics, misogyny, paternalism, patriarchy, rape and sexual assault, sex and sexuality, sex work, slut-shaming, violence against women and girls | 43 Comments

I love how this headline at CNN reads “Operation Frees Dozens of Child Prostitutes” rather than “Over 500 Prostitutes Arrested Under Guise of Saving Children.”

In the three-day operation, which began Thursday night, the FBI, along with local and state law enforcement agencies, took the 46 girls and one boy — all of them U.S. citizens ages 13 to 17 — into protective custody.

“Operation Cross Country II” involved efforts in 29 cities and resulted in the arrest of 73 pimps and 518 adult prostitutes, the FBI said.

Those arrested could face federal or state charges, depending on their alleged activities.

Nice, eh?  I mean, yes, excellent — 47 children were rescued from a rape trade.  Surely, that’s a good thing and worth the huge sums of money spent.  But is it necessarily worth over 500 female adults being laden with these serious charges, and ultimately I’m sure being subjected to intense public humiliation, for doing nothing more than attempting to make the best living they know how?

And far more importantly and far less fraught than that question: why do we assume that in order to do one, we must do the other?

Read more

Next Page →