Your significant other was there in all aspects of your life. It will be challenging and complex to get over someone, but there are several things you can do to make it easier on yourself and to avoid any self-sabotaging behavior that can lead to mistakes that cause unnecessary pain. A breakup or separation is a painful experience that every man has gone through, it’s an expected part of life, a challenge it throws your way to test your strength, and while you are undoubtedly confused, hurt, and overthinking, consider this article as a way to gain clarity on how to get over someone, and most importantly, what are you going to do get through this rough patch in life.
Here are Great 20 Tips To Get Over Someone
1: Get rid of their stuff, including gifts
After a break-up, a separation from someone that used to make you happy, you experience a wide range of emotions, anger, hope, loss, sadness, confusion, and while all of these emotions are natural and healthy to a certain extent, overwhelming emotions are not mental states where one can make logical choices, you simply cannot afford to trust your instincts when your head isn’t thinking right, and while everything you do and every song you hear and every place you visit will remind you of her in some way, shape or form, keeping your ex’s stuff, clothes, and gifts is just rubbing more salt on the wound, while it may seem harmless, it’s quite detrimental when you’re trying to emotionally detach from an ex-girlfriend, which is exactly what we are trying to do here, get rid of her stuff, return it back to her, but do not keep them around you, it’s counterproductive.
2: Remove any pictures from your phone that may trigger memories
Does this need any further explanation? Well, since you insist, here’s why, the human brain is designed for our survival, blunting or removing bad memories of our past is part of it, however, this causes us to see the past from rose-colored glasses, meaning that any pictures from your ex right now, coupled with your emotional vulnerability after the breakup, will cause your mind to trick you into holding on to her memory.
Her perfect ideal image, while turning off any negative emotion or bad memory that’s associated with her, it’s a survival mechanism, though once it worked for you, now it will only make you attached to the past, convincing you that your present isn’t real, and tricking you into believing an impossible future, you’re already broken up, don’t make it worse by escaping reality, stay focused, she’s gone, and you’re going to have to do some serious reflection on the man you want to be, take my advice, move on, there’s a new and better chapter of the book of your life waiting for you to turn the page, don’t get stuck reading the same one and repeating the same pattern, it is a vicious loop.
3: Go off the radar, Now you’re a ghost
When a girl acts up, and I’m assuming that’s exactly what happened, you must end it with her immediately, a girl disrespecting you translates exactly to “I don’t care about you or your feelings, in fact, I don’t think you’re on my level.”, now, tell me, is an alpha male going to tolerate that? The answer is NO after you cut off your relationship, you are going to go through a no-contact phase, I’m not in the business of giving you a number, like, a month, or two, or three, I’m in the business of making you a better stronger man.
Another interesting choice is radio silence, where you don’t contact her, and you completely disappear from social media while working on yourself, your choice really, whatever works for you, you should go with.
Note: if you’re in the business of getting your ex back, this is also the best way of doing so, it is by no means a guarantee, but being a complete mystery and showing up after months of absence looking better, making more money and being an overall better man, is a surefire way to get female attention, not necessarily from her, but for every woman on your social media, it is an effective way to re-igniting attraction, but the reason no man has the courage to do it is that most men are either attached to their phones or scared of self-improvement since it’s difficult.
4: Block them on social media
If you’re not going to go completely ghost through radio silence, and you’re still using social media, I have to tell you one thing, block her, immediately, now, no questions about it, I repeat, BLOCK HER IMMEDIATELY.
Girls have a sick pleasure of popping up on your stories and reacting to your posts to open up the wound that’s we’re trying to close, if she unilaterally ended the relationship without a care in the world about your feelings, then listen to me as I say it one more time, block her now, do not engage in hope, do not engage and immerse yourself in illusion, the relationship ended for a good reason, accept that, move on from her, it’s painful, many men have gone through enough games and manipulation across their dating lives.
Blocking an ex-girlfriend is 1000% worth it, and I must let this be known, if your ex wants to stalk you, she’ll do it regardless of whether you block her or not through mutual friends, other social media accounts, it goes on and on, you’re not blocking her to hurt her specifically, but to help you get the peace of mind necessary to carry on with your life, you’re doing this to protect yourself, not to hurt anyone else.
5: Avoid stalking them at all costs
This is really a no-brainer, if you have reduced yourself to stalking her, then you and I have to need to have a talk, first off, what are you trying to accomplish? It’s over, do you think stalking her will magically change her mind? Do you think she’ll find it attractive? The answer is no in all cases.
Here’s the second question, what do you think you’re going to find out? The truth about her situation? Most girls will either hide what happened, or will go through an angry phase, it’s uninteresting, and counter-productive, if you want my honest opinion, man to man, between you and me, stalking your ex, is unattractive as hell, and signals a lot of needinesses, not to mention the obvious, it’s creepy, cut that shit out, words and actions communicate more than what you think, you’re sending signals through your words, actions, tone, looks, make sure its the right signal.
Any true alpha male would stop digging through the past and simply gets himself another girl, obsessing over one girl doesn’t mean she is special, it simply means you have no options, and while this may sound aggressive, I think everyone needs tough love, and That’s my job, not as an expert, but as a fellow brother.
6: Limit your time on social media
Ah, social media, an alternative world, the modern time’s biggest addiction, and at the same time it’s the ultimate time-waster, while it definitely has its uses, I personally think everyone should limit their use to the bare minimum and exploit it to make a social circle at least, however, taking a month off is advisable at this point, whenever tragedy hits, the perfect opportunity for character growth is present.
This is time that should be spent with yourself, traveling, gym, career, a time spent productively, that means women, dating, social media, need to be postponed, only temporarily, take some time away from the dating marketplace, I personally did it for 6 months, whilst working on my finances, body, and hobbies, it was a damn good decision, coming back after those 6 months and taking it lightly made me notice a huge improvement in my confidence, sex appeal, and dating life, it was a sensible and mature thing to do, in hindsight, you’ll never regret self-improvement, but there’s plenty to regret on choosing the wrong people for your life.
7: Avoid Heavy Drinking and drugs
The same rule applies to drinking and drugs, in the short term, they act as anti-depressants, but while you can ignore reality, you can never escape the consequences of ignoring reality.
I want you, my reader, to remember something, internalize this in the deepest crevices of your brain, “you are what you do”, you want a deeper explanation? Well, there you go, a break up is like a storm, that you’re passing through, it is also, the ultimate character-building moment, whether you end up telling a story of how you decided to surrender to your emotions and drink yourself to sleep while wasting money on drugs and ending up as a loser at the end of your break up, or you want to tell a story of how much of a badass you were through the storm, ending up with a better career, sexier body and a hotter chick at the end, is entirely up to you, how powerful is that revelation?
You’re a man, grab the bull by the horns, and unleash your inner alpha male, we all have it, I have it, and I’m betting on you to be the badass I know you can be.
8: Allow Anger and Blame to Go
I’m not going to say anger is weakness, I’m not going to say that pointing fingers and blaming isn’t a tendency we all have, I do think that’s a completely natural reaction, however, anger and blame will get you nowhere, when you point the finger at anyone, you have three pointing back at you, at this point, it doesn’t matter who’s a fault it was, it’s over, accept that, take your anger and use it productively.
Anger is destructive in nature, but through sublimation, you can take out all your negativity in the weight room, that what I did, that’s what many men also did, and I haven’t heard a single man express his regret about hitting the gym, I did, however, hear a lot of men express regret over abusing drugs and alcohol, and staying in a bad relationship, even though you’re feeling all these chaotic emotions, exert your masculinity and dominance over your emotions, and accomplish what you thought was impossible.
9: Allow yourself to feel everything as you mourn the loss
Unexpressed emotions will never die, they are buried alive, and when they come back, they come back in the ugliest ways possible, the best way to deal with emotions is to allow them to go through you.
Do not base your decisions on emotions, but simply allow yourself to go through them, don’t judge yourself, don’t hate yourself, don’t resist the pain, allowing the pain to pass, using it productively, is the best way.
Resisting the pain of loss or numbing it through addictions will only serve to postpone the inevitable, if you truly want to speed up getting over the breakup, feel every part of that pain, use it as a driving force when you’re finally over that girl, you’ll be a much better man, infinitely more experienced and more proud of yourself than you were before, you should frame every tragedy as a test, this breakup and pain presents you with an opportunity of knowing yourself better, use it well.
10: Rediscover your self-worth
You were once an independent man, living the single life, by himself, doing his own thing, somewhere along the way you have met with this girl, and after months, that woman became part of your pride, making her happy made you happy.
She had some degree of emotional control over you, you shared a lot of intimate moments and she essentially became part of you, now that she’s gone, you’re going to go through a painful period of adapting to the new situation, a life without her, while that may seem cruel and lonely, it is necessary, every break up happens for a reason, different reasons to be sure, but usually good reasons, otherwise they would not result in a breakup, but let us go back to the present moment, right here and right now, this is your time, how you choose to spend it is entirely up to you, what you do now, determines what you will be in the future, makes enough sense for you?
Note: the best thing you should focus on right now is self-care, heal yourself in a positive way, and for the love of God, stop trying to find closure in a breakup, nobody gets closure after something like that, you are seriously better off moving on.
11: Set goals and get excited about your future
How do you think any man got over someone? We are the only animal that’s capable of thinking about the future, and we constantly borrow abundance from the future, deep down inside, every single one of us knows that pain is temporary, and that glory is forever, though our brain tricks us to think that the future will be like the present, that’s not the case, setting goals, and taking every day as its own challenge, will carry over to the future, we are the builders of our own destiny, women will come and go as they please, you have to prioritize yourself.
If you want more details about the goals you should be setting, just make them S.M.A.R.T goals, that stands for specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound, these goals can be career-oriented, physical, financial, artistic, honestly, now that you’re single, you have so much time for yourself and newfound freedom that the sky is the limit, it’s all up to you and what you desire the most.
12: Engage in a Community of Interest
We men have this bad habit of abandoning our hobbies to spend time with our lover, of course, this does not happen directly, but over the course of a relationship, we tend to stop doing the things that used to make us attractive.
Our hobbies are usually the first to go, whether it was:
- The boxing gym
- A book club
- An archery club
- Or a music band you used to be in with your buddies
We all had a hobby that disappeared in favor of spending time with our girlfriends, this is natural of course, you two have bonded through dating, sex and made each other feel good, which causes addiction.
However, this is the perfect time to go back and reconnect with our origins, joining a community of people who share our interests is perfect to get new friends, increase our social skills, our knowledge, and social circles, and participate in events that wouldn’t have been available to us when we had a girlfriend, this is by far the best thing anyone can do, this also opens up opportunities with girls who share our same nerdy hobbies, which helps with establishing rapport and makes conversation much easier, you have nothing to lose here, and everything to gain, I encourage you to join a community of your choice.
13: Write down your thoughts and emotions
There’s something quite amazing about the habit of journaling, writing down our feelings on a piece of paper has a disassociating effect, we are no longer trapped in our feelings, we are literally experiencing them from a third-person perspective, this was a therapeutic practice with soldiers that came back from war, and they reported that it was effective to keep them mentally resilient, what other reason do you need to try it out for yourself?
If you want to know how I personally do it, think of it as “a diary that contains your thoughts regarding old events or the ones that recently transpired.” it is tactical, calculated, detached, and turns the subjective experience into objective, I cannot stress this enough, the return on investment of a mere 30 minutes of weekly journaling outweigh the otherwise stressful break-up emotions that come with separation, in my honest opinion, break up or no break-up, journaling is a tool for lifelong use.
14: Plan a hike with your buddies and experience the real outdoors
I’m a huge hiking fan, I’m not much of a runner, and I think hiking is a better form of cardio, but the real reasons why hiking is a perfect hobby go far beyond the weight loss benefits, the best combination of hobbies I have personally done and still do was mixing a hike through mountain ranges or forests, with audiobooks and photography.
It’s quite an amazing experience, nature puts your mind and body back where they belong, and having a company of like-minded friends is a perfect recipe for feeling better, being healthier and accumulating memories which will last a lifetime, it was one of the best things I have done, and I honestly can’t recommend it enough, try a one day hike, then if you find it to your liking, plan camping trips and adventure outdoors, so much fun, in so little time, the best time I’ve ever spent, that is for sure.
15: Make sure you get enough sleep
Sleeping counteracts the premature aging effects of stress, the benefits range from optimizing hormones, testosterone, and cortisol management, the former being the dominant male hormone of fat loss, motivation, and muscle building, the latter being the fat and stressful hormone that does the opposite, optimized sleep leads to increased performance and a much better overall mood.
Sleep is one of the most important and yet most ignored parts, a neat trick you could use is nightly rituals, ice baths, reading books, turning off all electronics for the last hour before bed, all of these are habits that you should be implementing into your life, while they may seem simple, it is difficult to resist the urge to use social media even late at night, hence why I mentioned above, this is time to stay away from Facebook, Instagram and any other type of addictive social media outlets.
Note: dim lights like candles do not seem to affect our circadian rhythm nearly as much as artificial light, according to research.
16: Subscribe to the local Gym
Remember what I said about channeling your emotions productively? The gym is the perfect place for that, most men let themselves go in a relationship, mentally and physically speaking, if you’re looking worse now than you were before, then guess what, time to rectify that problem, hit the gym, hit it hard, who knows? Your next group of friends can be other gym members, regardless of the common stereotype, most gym members don’t care about how you look, and they are accepting and non-judgmental, in fact, in most cases, they would gladly offer advice and spot you when you ask them to.
Consider hitting the gym, it’s the best time investment you could make, integrate weights into a part of your lifestyle, this will build sexual charisma, discipline, long term cognitive and physical health and gets you more respect from other men, physical and mental strength is the basis of everything you do in your life.
You could attempt to pick up women at the gym, which has its own proper etiquette, though I personally would not recommend interrupting a girl mid-workout, there are ways to do this subtly, on the other hand, the gym is safer for the women to be the one picking up the guys, with the famous “can you show me how to do this exercise properly”, the environment makes them feel more at ease, but more on that later.
17: Go shopping for a new outfit
Our looks don’t truly define us on a personal level or determine our real human value, but our looks affect how we are perceived by others, making your looks work for you instead of against you.
Have you ever wondered why businessmen’s suits have broad shoulder pads? Your clothing and appearance communicate subliminal messages about your personality, culture, and finances, your hobbies, how old you look, and where you rank on the social hierarchy.
It could also communicate sexual preferences, rockstars with their leather shirts are a clear example of that. Consider how you look and if you’re sending the message you want to send to the world, your outside appearance reflects how you feel about yourself on the inside, and most people will make a judgment on you in mere seconds, that’s human nature, use it to your advantage.
18: Get a fresh haircut
Why is this important? Well, it keeps you looking sharp and fresh: a monthly or bi-monthly haircut must be an integral part of your grooming routine.
When you get a haircut done properly, this will help you maintain a healthy and shiny hair color that would otherwise be ruined with messy ends, regular haircuts also promote better growth, there are also plenty of damaged strands that will be renewed with every haircut.
This needs no explanation, a good haircut will make you feel a lot better about your appearance, and a double benefit of that is accentuating your facial structure, trimming your beard and getting regular haircuts is a must, take care of yourself man, the best thing a man can do is develop a certain level of healthy narcissism, and make sure he always looks damn good.
19: Give yourself time to heal
Even if you do all of the above, understand that things take time, the pain you’re feeling right now is shared with any other man out there, but it’s not going to last forever no matter what you’re thinking right now.
Keep in mind, there is no set amount of days after the break-up, there are no hard rules, what you’re feeling is true human emotion, not something you can quantify and put a number on, you’re passing through a storm of pain, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
This is not what you want to hear, but this is the truth that you simply have to hear, so give yourself a break, don’t set a timeline on your moving on from the break-up, do not force yourself to “feel better”, some days are going to be good, some other days, not so much, you are powering through the storm, with a promise of being a much better, stronger and more intelligent man.
20: Remember there is plenty of fish in the sea (start dating again)
Oftentimes, our dread and loss of emotional control come from scarcity, we do not have a lot of options, and we think we can not get someone else, well, if you have covered all the points mentioned above, fought through the storm, and came out smarter, wiser and stronger.
You will notice a huge improvement in your dating life, you may be asked out by other women, you will place more value on yourself which causes other people to value you more.
You’ll have stronger friendships and a much better and exciting dating life, while it may be a scary experience, you cannot let your past rule your life, facing your fear is the primary trait of an alpha male, if you want something done, you do it, if you can’t, you improve until you can do it, it’s quite a simple formula, as simple as you make it.